The Value of Unplugging

                                                                                          Kim Bielmann Cabotaje 2011                                                                            

In an age of technological connectivity, disconnecting can be very difficult if not darn near impossible.  On top of that, if you are someone who is compelled to constantly look for connections between words, facts, behaviors, experiences, etc., being technologically plugged in may just intensify this experience.  What if you were to unplug?

I recently read an article that said that a majority of Americans don’t use their vacation time and those who do spend a lot of it answering e-mails and taking calls from work.  This article also suggested that a long weekend is not restorative and that ideally, to get the rest we need, we should aim for two consecutive weeks of vacation.  Sound like pie in the sky?  Ask yourself, “What is it costing me not to take time to rest and recreate?  What is the value of unplugging?”

I’ve been fairly disconnected, with the exception of a little photo swapping and family phone calls, for nearly a week.  I’m spending time with my brother and sister-in-law, my young nephew and their doggie in Houston.  It’s a great place with lots to do and see, but we’ve done very little.  We’ve eaten good food, played a little virtual frisbee golf, watched some movies, danced around the house and gone for a walk.  I couldn’t ask for a better vacation.  In addition to enjoying time with my family, for the first time in months and months, I feel completely rested and nearly worry-free.  I couldn’t have achieved that in a long weekend or at home where I’m constantly reminded of projects and obligations, and it’s easy for someone to request a bit of my time.

If I had a second week, I would definitely have the energy to go and do.  As it is, when I head home I’ll have just about a week before I leap into all of the intensities of a new work year, and I already have several appointments scheduled for that week.  To make the best use of my rested mind and still body, I’m asking myself these questions: What have I comfortably done without that I was previously defining as essential, and how can I protect the time and space that not having/doing those things leaves me?  What steps can I take to avoid letting the productivity:leisure ratio get so out of balance?  What promises to myself do I need to make and keep before promising my time and skills to others?

When is the last time you really unplugged?  What is it costing you to wait any longer?

The Well Balanced Educator

A Free Workshop from

Internal Luminosity

Coaching for a Life Worth Living

with

Kim Bielmann Cabotaje

The Well Balanced Educator

Join me at the oceanfront on Croatan Beach to create a vision of the new school year that is healthy, balanced and value driven.  Engage in exercises that will help you identify your core values and needs so that you can use them to guide your choices during the school year.  You’ll leave the workshop with a mission statement and vision that will give you the discipline, confidence and skill to say “yes”  only to those tasks and responsibilities that are aligned with your purpose and allow you  

to maintain a healthy balance. 

This is certain to be a great ritual to make the transition into a new year!

Wednesday, August 24, 10am-12 pm

810 South Atlantic Avenue

(757)478-6990

luminouscoaching@gmail.com

http://internal-luminosity.blogspot.com/

R.S.V.P no later than Sunday, August 21, and additional details will be provided

Summer won’t be over, so bring a lunch and

lounge on the beach with me for the afternoon!

The workshop is free, but donations are accepted.

The Perilous Partnership of Perfectionism and Procrastination

"Don't wait for something big to occur.  Start where you are, with what you have, and that will always lead you into something greater."  ~Mary Manin Morrissey

For years I was the Queen of Gettin' Ready to Get Ready.  I had lots of ideas for projects and adventures, but I was paralyzed by the fear that I didn't know enough yet or wasn't good enough yet and I knew that I would never be able to achieve anything as perfect as my grand vision. So I settled for the safety of mediocrity and always promised myself that I'd get to whatever I was putting off as soon as I was well prepared.  Perfectionism breeds procrastination.

I began taking little risks and finding that I knew more than I thought I did, I definitely had some strengths and sometimes I even created some pretty good products.  Regardless the outcome, the world did not end and mistakes often presented unexpected ideas and opportunities.  I'm not completely cured of perfectionism or procrastination, but I'm taking even bigger risks these days and trusting that if I just keep making the effort and following the path that continually unfolds before me as a result, great things will come.

What is something you've long wanted to achieve?  How can you start today right where you are and take one small step toward that vision or goal?  What would happen if you let go of the idea of perfection?

My Dog As Trainer

This past spring, I decided that I either needed to use the gym membership that I’d had for nearly a year or cancel it.  To test my willingness to commit, I took advantage of the free sessions with a trainer.  I went in and explained that I wanted a very basic routine that would work all the muscle groups and that I could do a minimum of two times a week.  I knew myself and I had to start slow and increase at my own pace or I would not stick to it.  I get very uncomfortable if my illusion of self-control is threatened.

My trainer seemed very knowledgeable and was likable, so I followed her instructions.  The first visit was leisurely and non-threatening. The second visit was a good bit more strenuous and felt like I was really pushing my limits.  I didn’t complain, good student that I am, and I kept reminding myself that my nephew and step-son were both in basic training in the hot, hot south, so the least I could do was endure a little workout.  I finished, went home and literally collapsed on my bedroom floor.  I couldn’t lift my arms up for a good hour and felt like I just might puke.  The fact is that I’m not sure that my trainer, well intentioned as she was, really heard my request and I didn’t listen to myself because I kept on going.  Not to mention that my nephew and step-son are both 25 years my junior.  I cancelled my gym membership.

Here’s what I did instead.  I started walking my dog, Tuck.  He lost his two canine sisters last fall and with the long cold winter and his sudden unwillingness to stay outside alone, he spent a good deal of time inside, hunkered down with us.  The middle age spread was getting the best of both of us, and it was time we did something.  So, without any other agenda than to get out and walk, we began.  First we walked 20-25 minutes just to build up some endurance and we quickly kicked up our activity level.  I am proud to say that, as of today, we have walked 43 out of the past 46 days.  The only days we haven’t walked are when I was out of town, and for some time now we’ve been walking an average of 40 minutes a day.  I may not be on the road to super fit and toned, but we now have a habit that I hardly think twice about, I feel great and I’m looking forward to taking on some more strenuous activities.

I started to think about how my dog Tuck is the ideal trainer for me.  He’s super motivated and doesn’t ever let me cop out, but he’s also ultimately in it for feeling good and having fun. His philosophy seems to be push hard at the beginning and go for as long as you can—you can always slow down when you get too tired.  Balance is preferable as long as you’re moving.  Sometimes a disciplined walk is desirable but sometimes wandering through the woods is good, too.  While on your walk, think only about the present moment or you’ll miss the experience all together (which is probably why he never lets me get a good picture of him!).  Don’t waste time planning, calculating and recording your progress.  Just get out and do it, and let the experience of the natural high propel you to your next outing.

In the end, you are the expert on you.  Partnering with someone can be a tremendous help with motivation and staying honest in your efforts to make improvements.  However, you have to make sure that the partner you choose listens and that you’re willing to make yourself heard.  And if it turns out that the ideal partner is unconventional, perhaps, all the better!  For you see, dogs can be trainers, too!


From what unexpected places have you found a source of motivation?  When has trusting what you know about yourself paid off?

Unique Travelers and The Too Toos

Have you ever been criticized for being too serious, too sensitive, too concerned, too excited, too TOO?  Well, here's some information that might put you at ease about your intensity.  Let's have a look at a Polish psychiatrist named Kazimierz Dabrowski (1902-1980).  He developed the Theory of Positive Disintegration which basically says that internal struggle and even suffering are essential to progressing to higher levels of development.  This process moves one away from a self-centered focus and toward altruism and moral development.  Not everyone advances in this way.  Though higher intelligence levels are not essential, the combination of innate ability or intelligence with overexcitabilities (OE) makes it more likely that one will.


Overexcitabilities are innate tendencies that manifest in a heightened reaction to stimuli.  Individuals who have this natural tendency experience things more deeply resulting in a qualitatively different way of experiencing the world as described by Piechowski. This experience and the reaction to it can lead to others defining  these individuals as too much.  Though as a society we benefit from the individual who can intensely focus on finding a solution to a problem or work tirelessly to help victims of a disaster or write a novel that can dramatically shift our perspective, we're witnessing the product.  We often praise the outcome but criticize the personality that has been responsible for creating it.

I know this is a lot to digest, so let me describe the five types of OEs and you can determine for yourself if they characterize the unique traveler in you.

• Psychomotor OE: characterized by restlessness, large capacity for activity, a need for movement and drivenness--may talk rapidly and a lot, have nervous habits and be misdiagnosed with ADHD
• Sensual OE: characterized by a heightened awareness of and reaction to the senses, both positive and negative, including sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing--may be deeply moved by art, music and social issues and may become easily overstimulated
• Intellectual OE: characterized by a need to understand, find the truth and analyze--may be a voracious reader, be capable of sustained intellectual pursuits and require logic and fairness
• Imaginational OE: characterized by a rich imagination, use of imagery and metaphor and vivid dreams--may blur the lines between fact and fiction, have a rich fantasy life, have difficulty focusing and drift off into their imagination
• Emotional OE: characterized by intense feelings both positive and negative, complex emotions and the ability to empathize with others--may be seen as melodramatic, be deeply committed to relationships and have a large capacity for compassion

Can you see how individuals who have a combination of these OEs may see the world through a different lens than many?  Does it make sense that at times this experience could be joyous while other times it could leave one feeling out of sync with others and frustrated?  If you can relate to any of the OEs, can you see how understanding that they are a natural part of who you are might make your unique travels a little more comfortable?


What is your reaction to learning a little about overexcitabilities?  What would you like to understand better?

Are You A Unique Traveler?

When I started talking to people about one of the specialty areas I wanted to focus on in my coaching, gifted teens and adults, I got some unexpected and unsettling responses.  Even in intimate conversations with people I believe to be gifted and who I thought would be comfortable talking with me, folks denied and even dismissed the concept of giftedness.  At first I was taken aback and a little disheartened, but then I did what I often do and started researching this topic. 

It turns out that often gifted adults are not aware of their giftedness or deny it. In “How to Charm Gifted Adults into Admitting Giftedness: Their Own and Somebody Else’s,” Willem Kulpers cites several reasons for this phenomenon:

•  There is an assumption of elitism: labeling someone as gifted implies they are better than others
• There is a belief that giftedness requires eminence: any degree of “unsuccessfulness” is proof that giftedness is not present
•  It is an emotionally loaded label: individuals identified gifted (or not) as a child may have been teased or been the target of unwanted attention
• There is a belief that high IQ is the sole indicator of giftedness: for many years a score of 130 on an intelligence or school achievement test was the cut-off point for identification where current practices often include a more holistic approach
•  There is a tendency to focus on one’s own deficits and compare them to other’s abilities: we take our own strengths—those things that tend to come easily—for granted

Why does it matter?...It’s a label and I prefer to be defined as an individual…I believe all people have gifts…

One of my favorite definitions of giftedness is from Michael Piechowski who explains that being gifted means having a qualitatively different way of experiencing the world that often manifests itself in intensities.  While this can mean feelings, experiences and insights are deeper, it can also mean that these individuals are thought to be odd or troubled or that they need to lighten up.  Often the very characteristics that make up the core of the gifted  individual are interpreted as problems to be fixed by both the individual and those in their lives.  When struggling to fit in and meet the standards of general society, the gifted individual is disconnected from her creativity and knowledge and is in danger of letting her potential go unfulfilled. 

Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, in her book The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius, suggests that there are potentially twenty million adults that would be identified gifted, many of them never screened or not having met the outmoded and limited standard for identification.  These individuals are living with characteristics that are a natural part of their make-up yet are misunderstood and so, troubling. If they have managed to suppress this part of their personality, they have also squelched a vital part of their being.  Bare with me for one more minute, and then I’m prepared to make a compromise.

I wonder…were you identified gifted as a child? Do you have a gifted child, parent, sibling or spouse? Have you ever wished that you could just be normal?  Are you driven to understand why and how things are?  Do you experience deeply both joy and sadness?  Do you have many talents and interests?  Is it sometimes difficult for you to find others who understand your perceptions, interests and ideas?  Do you have perfectionistic tendencies?  Do you tend to shy away from conformity?

Here’s my compromise.  On this blog, rather than referring to individuals as gifted, I’d like to use the term unique travelers.  In doing so, I hope that it will open you up to exploring a topic that may have relevance to your life or the life of someone close to you.  My intention is not to make everyone gifted, but to give you the opportunity to recognize and learn about something that has a significant impact on the lives of some people and to give you some tools that may contribute to a more satisfying life.  For even when individuals are identified gifted, we do a poor job as a society in addressing anything other than the intellect.  In fact very few in the helping professions, including teachers, counselors, administrators, doctors or psychologists have any understanding of what it means to be gifted.

Thanks for sticking with me on this post.  I hope that I have peaked your curiosity and that you’ll be open to checking out upcoming posts on unique travelers.  I will weave these through the content I already have and will continue to provide.  In the end, it’s all about knowing what you need and getting those needs met.  Only you can determine how to go about that!

*Photo by jumpinjimmyjava

I'm Seeking You Now...

Dear Reader,

I know you're out there because my ticker tape count steadily rises.  I'm not sure exactly who you are or what you're thinking, though.  Whoever you are, I'd like to extend my gratitude for you taking the time to show up and giving me a reason to write.  Thank you very much!

As part of my original tribe, I'd love to get feedback from you on what you think of the blog so far.  You can write here or simply e-mail me at luminouscoaching@gmail.com.  I'm wondering if the content is useful, if there are topics you would like to hear more about or if you have any other feedback that might help me imporve as a blogger.

I'm excited to say I have some new clients, and I'm about to add some new features to the blog including a regular thread of posts on creativity and gifted individuals and interviews with everyday people living luminously.  I'm preparing to do a push to get my blog out to more readers.  Gettin' ready to grow some!

This week, I'll be doing one last really hard thing for the summer. While I'm attending to that, I'd really value any feedback you can give me as I make plans for my next steps.

I'm seeking you now...!