Becoming Real

I've been thinking a lot lately about the pace of things and the energy it takes to create something that has meaning to you and that you feel has quality.  I sometimes wonder if, because I'm not as speedy as some and it takes a lot to keep my energy balanced, I'm not the "real thing" or I don't have what it takes to be successful in a quickly changing and pretty competitive market.  


As I  use every ounce of the dwindling energy I have to close out the school year, I worry a bit.  And then  I'm reminded of a lesson I did with a group of second graders earlier this year in which we read and discussed "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams. It's amazing the depth to which 7 year olds can discuss a piece of literature, and I'm often struck by the value children's stories can have for adults.


Here is what the Skin Horse says to the Velveteen Rabbit when he asks about how one becomes real:

"It doesn't happen all at once...You become.  It takes a long time.  That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

To create something of use and quality--something worth doing--often takes time.  If we seek excellence, we have to have patience with the process and with ourselves.

The Internal Luminosity logo is completed, and I'm very happy with it! I was tempted to share it with you here, but I decided to be patient and share the whole package with you.  We've moved on to the blog, and I love the promise of tying everything together to create a cohesive package.  I'm one step closer to bringing everything to fruition and becoming a little more real.

Please remain curious!

Creation in Progress!

                                                                               Photo: Kim Bielmann Cabotaje, 2012

                                                                                           

I’ve been away, but I haven’t been idle.  I wanted to check in with you so we can stay connected…so you know I’m working hard for us.  I need you and I have a lot of exciting things to offer you in the months to come!  Let me tell you what I’ve been up to.

I’m one step closer to creating a unique identity for Internal Luminosity the business, the blog and the tribe.  Doing so is an intricate, creative, thoughtful process, and I’m very pleased that the designer I’m working with agrees.  I look forward to telling you more about her as this project is brought to fruition.  I anticipate welcoming you to our new home in mid-summer.

I just finished writing an article on emotional intensity for the National Association for Gifted Children’s parent newsletter and will share a link to that later in May.

This weekend I served on a panel of graduates from the Women’s Studies Program at Old Dominion University.  They are celebrating their 35^th Anniversary this year and had an anniversary/reunion celebration this weekend.  It included presentations from faculty, current students and graduates.  The purpose of the graduates speaking was to explain about what they have done since completing their degrees or certificates.  


It was fulfilling to be able to make the connections from the self-knowledge, inspiration and confidence gained through my Women’s Studies certificate courses over fifteen years ago to all of the choices I’ve made and experiences I’ve been able to create for myself since.  I also got the word out to a few more people about this work that I feel so passionate about--helping unique travelers craft lives they find well worth living.  The event renewed my interest in the experience of gifted females, and I will share more about that in the future.

And then, if I am to be completely honest, there have been strawberries to pick, and nature to commune with and the constant whispering of the garden inviting me to dig and weed and sew—a meditation not to be missed.   All this, and you, are part of my life well worth living.  If I may ask, please be patient during this process and know that great new things are underway!  

P.S. The photo above is of the nest a pair of robins have built in the wreath on my front door.  The meaning making machine in me (or the the intuitive interpreter) accepts it as a symbolic gesture and a very good omen!

The Cumulative Effect of Little Steps

Here’s the thing.  There are plenty of obstacles that we could let get in the way of creating the life we want to live.  Maybe we’re older than we think we ought to be or the bills are piled up high or we’ve said “yes” so much that there is no room in our lives for our Selves.  Accept that reasoning if you wish.

Or consider this.  There are 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week, about 30 days in a month, 52 weeks in a year.  Are you convinced that it is impossible to spend 20 minutes a day doing something you love (140 minutes a week), one hour a week (52 hours a year), or one day a month (12 days a year) doing something that really matters to you?  Or what if you just took one step a week toward a vision you want to bring to fruition?  If every week you read one article, completed one sketch, made one connection, eliminated some physical or psychological clutter or completed one more task in your big plan, by the end of the year you would be 52 steps closer to where you want to be.

Recently my husband came in to my home office where I was working late after working late.  “Does it feel like work to you?  Because I don’t want you to feel like all you do is work.” “ In fact,” I told him, “it feels great because I’m getting to do what I really want to do.  And look how far I’ve come!”

About this time last year, my coaching business was in its infancy, I read very few blogs and I had no real idea about how to set one up on my own.  What I did have was a passion informed by years of independent study that gave me just enough confidence to believe that I might be able to meet some need in the world.  I also had my share of bills, a family, a demanding day job that was important to me and an energy level that had to be carefully balanced.  By continually taking little risks that required little steps, I added to my bank of progress.  I still have plenty of work to do, but I am much closer to my vision because I do little bit more all the time.

I’m very excited that I’ve just found a designer who is helping me to create a logo and a brand new home for this blog and our tribe.  My original timeline of having everything ready to go for the new year was a bit ambitious, but I just readjusted my plans and kept taking steps towards my end goal.  My progress is imperfect, sometimes comes in fits and sometimes requires that I challenge doubts and insecurities.  But I just keep reminding myself of all the little steps I’ve taken so far and take another.

What little step toward your vision can you take this week and next week and the week after that so that, before you know it, you look over your shoulder and have to squint to see the place where you began?  Are you worth a few minutes of your time?

A More Balanced Perspective on Balance

 

If we expect balance to be a perfectly weighted equation in which we cross off or eliminate from one side and then the other in a regularly alternating pattern—first here, now there, next here, now there—then we’re likely to be eternally disappointed and to perceive ourselves as a failure.  I get tricked into thinking this way often enough.   Then I remember that even nature doesn’t follow such rigid rules.  The upcoming vernal equinox with its nearly equal amounts of daylight and darkness is oh so temporary and ever so fleeting.   And I was never really that good at math.

 A more fluid metaphor may be required.  How might we differently and more truthfully conceive of balance?  Perhaps cycles of tides or seasons or moon phases would work better, but even they tend to be a bit too predictable.  Maybe rolling hills or a meandering river that’s constantly being changed by weather, erosion, human impact and other unexpected events might work.  I suppose it’s best to think about what analogy comforts you and helps keep you both productive and restored, but consider something that allows flexibility.  


How do you think of balance?  When do you feel balanced?  What do you do when you are out of balance? 

Incubation: A Creative Leap of Faith

                                                                      Photo Kim Cabotaje, 2012

Ever wonder why some of your best ideas come to you in the shower, upon waking in the middle of the night or when you are not intensely focusing on the problem, issue or idea at hand?  In the creative process, this is what is known as incubation—a period of time when the mind does not appear to be actively engaged in problem solving or creating but a kind of synthesis is occurring behind the scenes.  Like the seed you push into the carefully prepared soil that seems to lie stagnant for days and then spontaneously appears at the earth’s surface rapidly pushing up a stem and then leaves and then ultimately a lush bloom, your idea needs time to grow and to take shape. 

So, when you have pushed your thinking to the limit, and the soil of your mind has been plowed, fertilized and sowed, take a rest.  Listen to music, read for pleasure, take a walk or a nap and trust that the creative process is underway and the product of all your preparation will present itself in good time and quite possibly when you least expect it.

Do you allow yourself time away from the intensity of active thinking and problem solving?  Do you give your brain the time and space it needs to create?

Thinking About How You Think

“It takes a lot of time to be a genius.  You have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing.”                  

                                                                                                               ~Gertrude Stein

When it comes to metacognition or thinking about your thinking, many unique travelers ultimately do one of two things: they learn early on not to be too revealing about the workings of their mind lest they be deemed odd or judged to “think too much,” or they come to assume that their thinking process is nothing out of the ordinary.  Being aware of our thinking, however, is crucial to understanding the choices we make and the potential we hold.

Last year I had the rare delight of sitting one-on-one with a gifted third grader who amazed me with his awareness of his own metacognition.  With his parents’ permission, I’m going to give you a peek into the conversation in which this young student revealed his metacognition—thinking about how he thinks…knowing how he knows—to help you better understand what it means.

He and I were talking about his work habits.  He sometimes seemed to be not paying attention and he wasn’t getting his work done despite being very intelligent and capable.  His teachers and I were working together to try to figure out how to keep him on task and productive.  When I asked him if he could help me understand what was going on, this is what he said, verbatim.

“Your brain and your body are attached.  Your brain is the controller of your body—without it your body would just be an empty shell.  I am ¼ brain, ¼ thinking and 2/4 imagining.  The imagine part is the biggest part of the brain.  The mind is what helps you think.  [When I’m working on an assignment], my body keeps doing what the brain told it to and then my mind gets lost in space (I start thinking about other things I’d rather be doing) and then my brain forgets to tell my body to stop.  And then once I realize that I forgot to stop, I realize that I still have other things to do, and I’ve given myself more work and then I get frustrated.  I want to focus and get it done quickly but the more work means it’s gonna take longer.  When thinking takes over completely, that’s when I do very, very good work.”

I was so impressed with this student’s awareness of his thinking process and his ability to articulate it very matter-of-factly and thought how much we underestimate what the young mind is capable of.  I began to think about my own thinking as a young person—could there really be nothing?  Isn’t nothing something?  If God created everything, then who created God…and who created whoever created God?  What if what I see as a tree, someone else sees as a dog and what is real to me is totally different to everyone else?

What happens to the young mind that wonders and questions freely and in the bliss of innocence?

What if thinking about how you think and knowing how you know and allowing your “imagining brain” to take over from time to time is not a luxury at all but crucial to you becoming fully who you are and creating the life you are meant to live?  If you’ve lost touch with your thinking or you’ve learned to be ever reasonable and logical, perhaps going back to your child mind will reconnect you to who you were and you will find that you’re not so very different a person today.  You don’t have to be a genius to think differently and you don’t have to be a child to use your imagining mind.

How does your brain work?  When is your thinking most productive? What do you do when your thinking is challenged or stops working?  How do you navigate challenges in your thinking?  From where do your thoughts originate? 

How Much is Enough?

“ With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, 
who could not be happy?”

~Oscar Wilde

Even with the current state of the economy and so many people looking for work, as a country we remain far wealthier and in possession of far more stuff than most places on the planet.  Yet there is a large body of evidence that a significant number of Americans don’t think they have enough.  I’m not dismissing the hardship brought on by unemployment—my family has not gone untouched by this experience and I personally understand the challenges it brings.  Still, I encourage you to ask yourself, “How much is enough?”

The human race has ingrained in it an ancient fear of scarcity which is accompanied by a need to have more.  The truth is, however, research on happiness and life satisfaction indicates that no matter how much you have, it doesn’t guarantee you happiness.  What is more likely to support fulfillment is having enough to create a reserve.  You do not have to be financially wealthy to have a reserve of money.  Rather, you have to know how much is enough for you--as you personally define it, not as the media or the Jones’ do. 

Taking the time to figure out how much is enough—and it may be far less that you think—allows you to create a reserve.  Having a reserve enables you to relax in the knowledge that you will always have enough.  Trusting you have enough fills you with the energy required to explore and create and puts you on the path to your life worth living.   

How do you know how much is enough?