The Cumulative Effect of Little Steps

Here’s the thing.  There are plenty of obstacles that we could let get in the way of creating the life we want to live.  Maybe we’re older than we think we ought to be or the bills are piled up high or we’ve said “yes” so much that there is no room in our lives for our Selves.  Accept that reasoning if you wish.

Or consider this.  There are 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week, about 30 days in a month, 52 weeks in a year.  Are you convinced that it is impossible to spend 20 minutes a day doing something you love (140 minutes a week), one hour a week (52 hours a year), or one day a month (12 days a year) doing something that really matters to you?  Or what if you just took one step a week toward a vision you want to bring to fruition?  If every week you read one article, completed one sketch, made one connection, eliminated some physical or psychological clutter or completed one more task in your big plan, by the end of the year you would be 52 steps closer to where you want to be.

Recently my husband came in to my home office where I was working late after working late.  “Does it feel like work to you?  Because I don’t want you to feel like all you do is work.” “ In fact,” I told him, “it feels great because I’m getting to do what I really want to do.  And look how far I’ve come!”

About this time last year, my coaching business was in its infancy, I read very few blogs and I had no real idea about how to set one up on my own.  What I did have was a passion informed by years of independent study that gave me just enough confidence to believe that I might be able to meet some need in the world.  I also had my share of bills, a family, a demanding day job that was important to me and an energy level that had to be carefully balanced.  By continually taking little risks that required little steps, I added to my bank of progress.  I still have plenty of work to do, but I am much closer to my vision because I do little bit more all the time.

I’m very excited that I’ve just found a designer who is helping me to create a logo and a brand new home for this blog and our tribe.  My original timeline of having everything ready to go for the new year was a bit ambitious, but I just readjusted my plans and kept taking steps towards my end goal.  My progress is imperfect, sometimes comes in fits and sometimes requires that I challenge doubts and insecurities.  But I just keep reminding myself of all the little steps I’ve taken so far and take another.

What little step toward your vision can you take this week and next week and the week after that so that, before you know it, you look over your shoulder and have to squint to see the place where you began?  Are you worth a few minutes of your time?

A More Balanced Perspective on Balance

 

If we expect balance to be a perfectly weighted equation in which we cross off or eliminate from one side and then the other in a regularly alternating pattern—first here, now there, next here, now there—then we’re likely to be eternally disappointed and to perceive ourselves as a failure.  I get tricked into thinking this way often enough.   Then I remember that even nature doesn’t follow such rigid rules.  The upcoming vernal equinox with its nearly equal amounts of daylight and darkness is oh so temporary and ever so fleeting.   And I was never really that good at math.

 A more fluid metaphor may be required.  How might we differently and more truthfully conceive of balance?  Perhaps cycles of tides or seasons or moon phases would work better, but even they tend to be a bit too predictable.  Maybe rolling hills or a meandering river that’s constantly being changed by weather, erosion, human impact and other unexpected events might work.  I suppose it’s best to think about what analogy comforts you and helps keep you both productive and restored, but consider something that allows flexibility.  


How do you think of balance?  When do you feel balanced?  What do you do when you are out of balance? 

Incubation: A Creative Leap of Faith

                                                                      Photo Kim Cabotaje, 2012

Ever wonder why some of your best ideas come to you in the shower, upon waking in the middle of the night or when you are not intensely focusing on the problem, issue or idea at hand?  In the creative process, this is what is known as incubation—a period of time when the mind does not appear to be actively engaged in problem solving or creating but a kind of synthesis is occurring behind the scenes.  Like the seed you push into the carefully prepared soil that seems to lie stagnant for days and then spontaneously appears at the earth’s surface rapidly pushing up a stem and then leaves and then ultimately a lush bloom, your idea needs time to grow and to take shape. 

So, when you have pushed your thinking to the limit, and the soil of your mind has been plowed, fertilized and sowed, take a rest.  Listen to music, read for pleasure, take a walk or a nap and trust that the creative process is underway and the product of all your preparation will present itself in good time and quite possibly when you least expect it.

Do you allow yourself time away from the intensity of active thinking and problem solving?  Do you give your brain the time and space it needs to create?

Thinking About How You Think

“It takes a lot of time to be a genius.  You have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing.”                  

                                                                                                               ~Gertrude Stein

When it comes to metacognition or thinking about your thinking, many unique travelers ultimately do one of two things: they learn early on not to be too revealing about the workings of their mind lest they be deemed odd or judged to “think too much,” or they come to assume that their thinking process is nothing out of the ordinary.  Being aware of our thinking, however, is crucial to understanding the choices we make and the potential we hold.

Last year I had the rare delight of sitting one-on-one with a gifted third grader who amazed me with his awareness of his own metacognition.  With his parents’ permission, I’m going to give you a peek into the conversation in which this young student revealed his metacognition—thinking about how he thinks…knowing how he knows—to help you better understand what it means.

He and I were talking about his work habits.  He sometimes seemed to be not paying attention and he wasn’t getting his work done despite being very intelligent and capable.  His teachers and I were working together to try to figure out how to keep him on task and productive.  When I asked him if he could help me understand what was going on, this is what he said, verbatim.

“Your brain and your body are attached.  Your brain is the controller of your body—without it your body would just be an empty shell.  I am ¼ brain, ¼ thinking and 2/4 imagining.  The imagine part is the biggest part of the brain.  The mind is what helps you think.  [When I’m working on an assignment], my body keeps doing what the brain told it to and then my mind gets lost in space (I start thinking about other things I’d rather be doing) and then my brain forgets to tell my body to stop.  And then once I realize that I forgot to stop, I realize that I still have other things to do, and I’ve given myself more work and then I get frustrated.  I want to focus and get it done quickly but the more work means it’s gonna take longer.  When thinking takes over completely, that’s when I do very, very good work.”

I was so impressed with this student’s awareness of his thinking process and his ability to articulate it very matter-of-factly and thought how much we underestimate what the young mind is capable of.  I began to think about my own thinking as a young person—could there really be nothing?  Isn’t nothing something?  If God created everything, then who created God…and who created whoever created God?  What if what I see as a tree, someone else sees as a dog and what is real to me is totally different to everyone else?

What happens to the young mind that wonders and questions freely and in the bliss of innocence?

What if thinking about how you think and knowing how you know and allowing your “imagining brain” to take over from time to time is not a luxury at all but crucial to you becoming fully who you are and creating the life you are meant to live?  If you’ve lost touch with your thinking or you’ve learned to be ever reasonable and logical, perhaps going back to your child mind will reconnect you to who you were and you will find that you’re not so very different a person today.  You don’t have to be a genius to think differently and you don’t have to be a child to use your imagining mind.

How does your brain work?  When is your thinking most productive? What do you do when your thinking is challenged or stops working?  How do you navigate challenges in your thinking?  From where do your thoughts originate? 

How Much is Enough?

“ With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, 
who could not be happy?”

~Oscar Wilde

Even with the current state of the economy and so many people looking for work, as a country we remain far wealthier and in possession of far more stuff than most places on the planet.  Yet there is a large body of evidence that a significant number of Americans don’t think they have enough.  I’m not dismissing the hardship brought on by unemployment—my family has not gone untouched by this experience and I personally understand the challenges it brings.  Still, I encourage you to ask yourself, “How much is enough?”

The human race has ingrained in it an ancient fear of scarcity which is accompanied by a need to have more.  The truth is, however, research on happiness and life satisfaction indicates that no matter how much you have, it doesn’t guarantee you happiness.  What is more likely to support fulfillment is having enough to create a reserve.  You do not have to be financially wealthy to have a reserve of money.  Rather, you have to know how much is enough for you--as you personally define it, not as the media or the Jones’ do. 

Taking the time to figure out how much is enough—and it may be far less that you think—allows you to create a reserve.  Having a reserve enables you to relax in the knowledge that you will always have enough.  Trusting you have enough fills you with the energy required to explore and create and puts you on the path to your life worth living.   

How do you know how much is enough?

Use What You Have!

Spring will be here before we know it.  Though we’ve had a pretty mild winter in my neck of the woods, I always look forward to the change of seasons.  Spring means longer days, reconnecting with neighbors, getting my hands in the dirt, becoming more active and the sounds of the world waking up.  Spring also means spring cleaning!  Here’s something to consider as you get ready for the transition: cleaning out by using what you have.  I’ve done this as a matter of necessity and a matter of choice, so I believe I can speak to both approaches.

Two years ago, with very little time for preparing, my husband and I hauled most of the contents of our house into storage.  We were a family in crisis and needed to do major home remodeling so that we could bring additional family members into our house.  What this meant is that a lot of stuff was stowed away that probably would have been better sent to Goodwill or the trash.  That storage became literal and psychological clutter that would have to be dealt with at a later time.

Last summer, I began the process of making trip after trip to load up my car with boxes, bring them home and then haul them into the house and up the stairs.  What loomed before me was the awful process of sorting through and deciding the fate of my stuff.  I dreaded it, but I’d made a promise to myself that I would touch each thing only once.  If I didn’t have a place to put it away, it couldn’t stay in the house.  Once I got going, I could feel the weight lifting off of me, and I was inspired to do more.  I decided that for the rest of the summer, I wouldn’t buy any new personal care products like shampoo, make-up, soaps or lotions.  Instead, I would use what I had.  At the end of the summer, if I hadn’t used something or decided it wasn’t a good product for me, I would give or throw it away.  This is an ongoing process.

We’ve done this with the pantry and freezer, too.  Essentials like milk, eggs, bread and fresh produce could be purchased, but other than that we had to be creative and use what we had.  No major grocery trips were made until the cupboards were pretty darn bare.  This fall and winter, I decided to do it with my wardrobe.  With the exception of a few basic purchases, what would it be like to resist buying new clothes until the ones you have are good and worn?  How could you creatively put together what you already have to make new outfits?  And then there are my art supplies and books.  Every time I get an idea for a new project or want a new book, I resist buying new materials and instead improvise with and use the things I already have.

This is what this experiment has done for me.  First, it has made me incredibly aware, despite my being more on the frugal end of the spectrum, of how much stuff I still manage to buy and accumulate.  Next, it’s made me more conscious of how much I already have and has led to me wanting less.  Most importantly, though, it has helped me to see just how resourceful I can be and just how little it takes to make me comfortable and happy.  A great deal of time is freed up and, when I do make purchases, even a treat from the grocery store that I have been resisting becomes a joyful act.

So in the final weeks of winter, why not consider using what you have in an act of preparation for spring cleaning?

Book Balm for the Soul

"We read to know we are not alone." ~C.S. Lewis

I’ll tell you up front that this is a longer post, but I’ll also explain that the second half of it serves as a reference that can be scanned.  And given that I could have sat and written about books I love all afternoon, it really is brief!

In Some of My Best Friends are Books: Guiding Gifted Readers from Pre-School to High School, Judith Wynn Halsted identifies two definitions of bibliotheraphy: one being clinical for the purpose of people facing emotional problems and the other being developmental and addressing those who are experiencing life transitions. As we’ve established in earlier posts, unique travelers may experience challenges related to their characteristics.  Though these characteristics can often be misunderstood as problems to be fixed, we like to think of them as qualities to be managed.  Bibliotherapy can help the unique traveler understand characteristics so that they can better manage them.

Halsted lists five emotional and intellectual needs of the gifted: 

• Having a sense of identity that includes being gifted
• Understanding their need for time alone
• Learning to get along with others
• Finding the best way to make use of their abilities
• Acknowledging and satisfying their drive to understand

While books can simply be a great escape for an individual who doesn’t easily fit into the world around her, Halsted also suggests the following benefits of reading fiction:

• A great author can “hook” kids emotionally thus making them more open to ideas and lessons they might otherwise be reluctant to receive from parents and teachers 
• The opportunity to empathize with characters in a book which can lead to catharsis for the child who is unable or unwilling to share emotional difficulties
• Insights into personal experiences.

There are also benefits of reading non-fiction in the form of biographies: 

• Young readers see that often many failures occur on the road to success, thus encouraging risk-taking that can be halted by perfectionism 
• The reader can see the positive manifestations of characteristics such as drive, energy and curiosity and how they contribute to achievement 
• Kids can relate to and learn from eminent individuals such as Marie Curie who struggled with feeling isolated and lonely

Bibliotherapy is not just for kids and teens.  In fact, if you are a reader, I would suggest that you’ve already received some of the benefits listed above.  I would also suggest that kid’s literature as well as adult literature has the potential to offer a balm for your soul.  So whether you’re the parent of a gifted child, a grown-up who was identified gifted as a child or a unique traveler who is just getting the lay of the land, I encourage you to consider how literature might help you in the ever-unfolding development of the very best you.

As food for thought, I’ve created a short list of some sources that have had a particularly profound impact on me.  From time to time, I’ll offer some other reading suggestions that may serve as bibliotherapy material.  What I would love most, however, is to hear from you about which books, articles and films have inspired you to embrace who you are and to create a life you find well worth living.  Please consider sharing your suggestions here!  

Balm for the Soul:

  

• As a late teen when reading The Member of the Wedding by Carson McCullers, the main character, Frankie, was someone I could relate to.  The adolescent protagonist becomes deeply involved in over-imagining her role as a member of her older brother’s wedding.  In her deep desire to be a significant part of something large and important, Frankie believes that she will go live with her brother and sister-in-law once they are married.  She says, “They are the we of me.”  This character demonstrates imaginational and emotional intensities and exemplifies the depth to which unique travelers experience everyday occurrences and the resulting emotions.  There is also a scene in which Frankie rolls around on the floor in front of her house servant and her younger cousin in a fit of what I’ve come to call weird energy—what results when, rather than freely expressing who you are, you wear a mask in an attempt to fit in.  All that energy has to escape at some point!

• In Journal of a Solitude, American poet, novelist and memoirist May Sarton writes about her home and life in rural New Hampshire.  She sketches out her days which include writing, gardening, correspondence and solitude.  Though Sarton does not sugarcoat the challenges of introversion and sensitivity (she doesn’t explicitly name these characteristics, but it takes one to know one), she also demonstrates how rich and fulfilling a life that nurtures these qualities can be.  She creates her own life worth living!  In my early twenties, reading this journal helped me begin to understand that a need to be alone was not so much selfish as essential.

• Early in my teaching career I discovered the article "Is It a Cheetah?" by Stephanie Tolan.  Though she writes about the highly gifted here, I think she speaks to anyone who has had their educational and emotional needs marginalized and misunderstood.  As the parent of a highly gifted child and a gifted adult herself, she offers insight into why one may not reach his potential and what might change so that he can.  You may be surprised by the emotional impact of this short analogy in the form of an article—many with whom I have shared it have.

• The French film Seraphine is about Seraphine Louis, known as “Seraphine de Senlis” (1864-1942).  She was a self-taught French painter in the naïve style who was said to be “an artist consumed by an irrepressible urge to create.”  Though it has been observed that she walked a fine line between impassioned artist and mentally ill, her focus on finding the materials and time needed to create are inspiring.  She is a perfect example of one who frequently enters a state of flow as well as one whose need to follow her passion is more important than what others think about her.  For many years, films about artists and writers—those who manage to break away from society's stifling expectations to live their truth--have encouraged me to ask myself, “How are you defining what is possible and what is right?”

• Last summer, I picked up a copy of Anne of Green Gables written by L. M. Montgomery in 1908.  A couple of friends had talked about their love for the book and I finally got around to reading it. It is the story of Anne Shirley, an intense red-headed 11-year-old orphan who is adopted by a family on Prince Edward Island.  Though written over 100 years ago, save a few details about lifestyle, dress and society, it is a timeless story.  What is most wonderful about the book is that Anne’s highly active imagination, her deep love of beauty and nature, her tendency toward fast talking and kinetic energy are celebrated and accepted.  Anne is a fabulous example of an independent and sensitive character who lives life fully.  When I was done with the book, I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to find Anne.

What books, films or stories have helped you to better understand yourself and proved a balm for the soul?  If you, unique traveler, have benefited, there is surely someone else here who will, too.  Don’t be stingy—share!