How Much is Enough?

“ With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, 
who could not be happy?”

~Oscar Wilde

Even with the current state of the economy and so many people looking for work, as a country we remain far wealthier and in possession of far more stuff than most places on the planet.  Yet there is a large body of evidence that a significant number of Americans don’t think they have enough.  I’m not dismissing the hardship brought on by unemployment—my family has not gone untouched by this experience and I personally understand the challenges it brings.  Still, I encourage you to ask yourself, “How much is enough?”

The human race has ingrained in it an ancient fear of scarcity which is accompanied by a need to have more.  The truth is, however, research on happiness and life satisfaction indicates that no matter how much you have, it doesn’t guarantee you happiness.  What is more likely to support fulfillment is having enough to create a reserve.  You do not have to be financially wealthy to have a reserve of money.  Rather, you have to know how much is enough for you--as you personally define it, not as the media or the Jones’ do. 

Taking the time to figure out how much is enough—and it may be far less that you think—allows you to create a reserve.  Having a reserve enables you to relax in the knowledge that you will always have enough.  Trusting you have enough fills you with the energy required to explore and create and puts you on the path to your life worth living.   

How do you know how much is enough?

Use What You Have!

Spring will be here before we know it.  Though we’ve had a pretty mild winter in my neck of the woods, I always look forward to the change of seasons.  Spring means longer days, reconnecting with neighbors, getting my hands in the dirt, becoming more active and the sounds of the world waking up.  Spring also means spring cleaning!  Here’s something to consider as you get ready for the transition: cleaning out by using what you have.  I’ve done this as a matter of necessity and a matter of choice, so I believe I can speak to both approaches.

Two years ago, with very little time for preparing, my husband and I hauled most of the contents of our house into storage.  We were a family in crisis and needed to do major home remodeling so that we could bring additional family members into our house.  What this meant is that a lot of stuff was stowed away that probably would have been better sent to Goodwill or the trash.  That storage became literal and psychological clutter that would have to be dealt with at a later time.

Last summer, I began the process of making trip after trip to load up my car with boxes, bring them home and then haul them into the house and up the stairs.  What loomed before me was the awful process of sorting through and deciding the fate of my stuff.  I dreaded it, but I’d made a promise to myself that I would touch each thing only once.  If I didn’t have a place to put it away, it couldn’t stay in the house.  Once I got going, I could feel the weight lifting off of me, and I was inspired to do more.  I decided that for the rest of the summer, I wouldn’t buy any new personal care products like shampoo, make-up, soaps or lotions.  Instead, I would use what I had.  At the end of the summer, if I hadn’t used something or decided it wasn’t a good product for me, I would give or throw it away.  This is an ongoing process.

We’ve done this with the pantry and freezer, too.  Essentials like milk, eggs, bread and fresh produce could be purchased, but other than that we had to be creative and use what we had.  No major grocery trips were made until the cupboards were pretty darn bare.  This fall and winter, I decided to do it with my wardrobe.  With the exception of a few basic purchases, what would it be like to resist buying new clothes until the ones you have are good and worn?  How could you creatively put together what you already have to make new outfits?  And then there are my art supplies and books.  Every time I get an idea for a new project or want a new book, I resist buying new materials and instead improvise with and use the things I already have.

This is what this experiment has done for me.  First, it has made me incredibly aware, despite my being more on the frugal end of the spectrum, of how much stuff I still manage to buy and accumulate.  Next, it’s made me more conscious of how much I already have and has led to me wanting less.  Most importantly, though, it has helped me to see just how resourceful I can be and just how little it takes to make me comfortable and happy.  A great deal of time is freed up and, when I do make purchases, even a treat from the grocery store that I have been resisting becomes a joyful act.

So in the final weeks of winter, why not consider using what you have in an act of preparation for spring cleaning?

Book Balm for the Soul

"We read to know we are not alone." ~C.S. Lewis

I’ll tell you up front that this is a longer post, but I’ll also explain that the second half of it serves as a reference that can be scanned.  And given that I could have sat and written about books I love all afternoon, it really is brief!

In Some of My Best Friends are Books: Guiding Gifted Readers from Pre-School to High School, Judith Wynn Halsted identifies two definitions of bibliotheraphy: one being clinical for the purpose of people facing emotional problems and the other being developmental and addressing those who are experiencing life transitions. As we’ve established in earlier posts, unique travelers may experience challenges related to their characteristics.  Though these characteristics can often be misunderstood as problems to be fixed, we like to think of them as qualities to be managed.  Bibliotherapy can help the unique traveler understand characteristics so that they can better manage them.

Halsted lists five emotional and intellectual needs of the gifted: 

• Having a sense of identity that includes being gifted
• Understanding their need for time alone
• Learning to get along with others
• Finding the best way to make use of their abilities
• Acknowledging and satisfying their drive to understand

While books can simply be a great escape for an individual who doesn’t easily fit into the world around her, Halsted also suggests the following benefits of reading fiction:

• A great author can “hook” kids emotionally thus making them more open to ideas and lessons they might otherwise be reluctant to receive from parents and teachers 
• The opportunity to empathize with characters in a book which can lead to catharsis for the child who is unable or unwilling to share emotional difficulties
• Insights into personal experiences.

There are also benefits of reading non-fiction in the form of biographies: 

• Young readers see that often many failures occur on the road to success, thus encouraging risk-taking that can be halted by perfectionism 
• The reader can see the positive manifestations of characteristics such as drive, energy and curiosity and how they contribute to achievement 
• Kids can relate to and learn from eminent individuals such as Marie Curie who struggled with feeling isolated and lonely

Bibliotherapy is not just for kids and teens.  In fact, if you are a reader, I would suggest that you’ve already received some of the benefits listed above.  I would also suggest that kid’s literature as well as adult literature has the potential to offer a balm for your soul.  So whether you’re the parent of a gifted child, a grown-up who was identified gifted as a child or a unique traveler who is just getting the lay of the land, I encourage you to consider how literature might help you in the ever-unfolding development of the very best you.

As food for thought, I’ve created a short list of some sources that have had a particularly profound impact on me.  From time to time, I’ll offer some other reading suggestions that may serve as bibliotherapy material.  What I would love most, however, is to hear from you about which books, articles and films have inspired you to embrace who you are and to create a life you find well worth living.  Please consider sharing your suggestions here!  

Balm for the Soul:

  

• As a late teen when reading The Member of the Wedding by Carson McCullers, the main character, Frankie, was someone I could relate to.  The adolescent protagonist becomes deeply involved in over-imagining her role as a member of her older brother’s wedding.  In her deep desire to be a significant part of something large and important, Frankie believes that she will go live with her brother and sister-in-law once they are married.  She says, “They are the we of me.”  This character demonstrates imaginational and emotional intensities and exemplifies the depth to which unique travelers experience everyday occurrences and the resulting emotions.  There is also a scene in which Frankie rolls around on the floor in front of her house servant and her younger cousin in a fit of what I’ve come to call weird energy—what results when, rather than freely expressing who you are, you wear a mask in an attempt to fit in.  All that energy has to escape at some point!

• In Journal of a Solitude, American poet, novelist and memoirist May Sarton writes about her home and life in rural New Hampshire.  She sketches out her days which include writing, gardening, correspondence and solitude.  Though Sarton does not sugarcoat the challenges of introversion and sensitivity (she doesn’t explicitly name these characteristics, but it takes one to know one), she also demonstrates how rich and fulfilling a life that nurtures these qualities can be.  She creates her own life worth living!  In my early twenties, reading this journal helped me begin to understand that a need to be alone was not so much selfish as essential.

• Early in my teaching career I discovered the article "Is It a Cheetah?" by Stephanie Tolan.  Though she writes about the highly gifted here, I think she speaks to anyone who has had their educational and emotional needs marginalized and misunderstood.  As the parent of a highly gifted child and a gifted adult herself, she offers insight into why one may not reach his potential and what might change so that he can.  You may be surprised by the emotional impact of this short analogy in the form of an article—many with whom I have shared it have.

• The French film Seraphine is about Seraphine Louis, known as “Seraphine de Senlis” (1864-1942).  She was a self-taught French painter in the naïve style who was said to be “an artist consumed by an irrepressible urge to create.”  Though it has been observed that she walked a fine line between impassioned artist and mentally ill, her focus on finding the materials and time needed to create are inspiring.  She is a perfect example of one who frequently enters a state of flow as well as one whose need to follow her passion is more important than what others think about her.  For many years, films about artists and writers—those who manage to break away from society's stifling expectations to live their truth--have encouraged me to ask myself, “How are you defining what is possible and what is right?”

• Last summer, I picked up a copy of Anne of Green Gables written by L. M. Montgomery in 1908.  A couple of friends had talked about their love for the book and I finally got around to reading it. It is the story of Anne Shirley, an intense red-headed 11-year-old orphan who is adopted by a family on Prince Edward Island.  Though written over 100 years ago, save a few details about lifestyle, dress and society, it is a timeless story.  What is most wonderful about the book is that Anne’s highly active imagination, her deep love of beauty and nature, her tendency toward fast talking and kinetic energy are celebrated and accepted.  Anne is a fabulous example of an independent and sensitive character who lives life fully.  When I was done with the book, I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to find Anne.

What books, films or stories have helped you to better understand yourself and proved a balm for the soul?  If you, unique traveler, have benefited, there is surely someone else here who will, too.  Don’t be stingy—share!

Reconnecting to Your Passion

“There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”    ~Nelson Mandella

If you can’t already feel it burning in you, how do you even begin to find your passion?  Some mining may be in order.

Set aside a few minutes when you can relax and are free from distraction.  Get a piece of paper and brainstorm a list of times in your life when you really felt “on purpose.”  Another way to think of this is to recall instances when you experienced a state of what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow.  This is when the external world falls away and you lose awareness of time and the space around you, because you are so fully engaged in an activity.

Go back as far as you can remember and make a list of at least 12 times when you experienced a great sense of purpose.  Resist judgment.  When the voice that says, “That’s childish” or “That’s impossible” pops into your head, acknowledge its presence and send it on its way.  Let your thoughts flow.

Now look at your list and see what is revealed to you.  Are there any patterns?  Is there something that peaks your interest?  What is worthy of further exploration? 

 What does your heart know about the life you are capable of living that your eye may not be able to see?

What is Essential to Your Life Worth Living?

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

What does your heart know that your eye may not be able to see? What is essential to you in moving towards a life you find well worth living?

It's All Part of the Process

It makes me chuckle a little now, but I have to say I had myself in a bit of a tizzy.  Survey says, “Continue to share your process with us, it helps us too”… “I want to know how a flesh and blood person deals with the experience of being a unique traveler.”  If you’re new to the blog, the survey I’m referring to can be found here and I’d love to know what you think!  So, here goes.

I explained in an earlier post that a lot, positive and challenging, has happened to me in the past two weeks.  New clients, lots of new contacts, a jump in blog membership and traffic, a big deadline and then I got sick.  I couldn’t even really just let go and be sick though I spent a couple of days in bed because this is what was going through my head, “I’ve had no inspiration for blog posts—maybe I’ve used all of the material I have…maybe I’m sabotaging myself just when it seems that everything I’ve worked so hard for might be blossoming a bit…maybe everyone will stop reading the blog if I don’t post something…maybe I just don’t have the energy for all of this...”  Then on Friday afternoon I felt a little shift in my energy and I felt less sick and more like myself.

Saturday morning, I decided to get up and just do a little informal brainstorming.  No pressure, just flip through my journal and jot down some ideas that had been floating around in my brain but hadn’t taken any real form.  Two hours later I had all of this:

I started writing down ideas on sticky notes.  I’m visual and tactile and like to be able to make connections between concepts and have the option of adding on to them at a later time.  Though my right brain generally rules, my left brain likes to create a little order out of what the boss creates.  I have a file cabinet next to my desk, so I started placing my notes in categories on the drawer faces.  I then arranged them heirarchicly with the most developed ideas on the top drawer and the infant ones on lower drawers.  In my journal, I discovered thoughts that had slipped from my conscious mind and others that provided springboards for brand new ideas. While thinking about the blog, I rekindled a couple of other project kernals that I’ve been working on for some time and created these:

I cut sticky squares into sticky strips, wrote on them sticky side up and then stuck them to the underside of the center round sticky note.  They make me smile because they’re kind of whimsical and decorative too.  I should also say that the note colors coordinate with my office colors making them pleasing to look at.  It really does matter to me.

Not only did this burst of a brainstorm reassure me that my blog ideas are far from dried up, it also motivated me to super organize my coaching files and schedule a couple of other projects that I think are next steps for my business.  The one thing that remains to do from this weekend brainshower is to create a schedule for myself in which I block out time every day for business actions as well as leisure and recharging.  I’m seeking greater balance so that, instead of super intense over the top work periods followed by energy crashes, I take a slower but steady approach.

Instead of burrowing under the covers where the running dialogue in my head was tempting me to hide from inevitable failure, I got started with one small step and ended up removing a good bit of emotional and physical clutter.  Tomorrow, I start the work week with a little more structure and a little more vision.  Within that framework is a whole lot of freedom to explore, create and discover.  And next time the tizzy starts, I’ll be a little more confident that it’s all part of the process. 

Refocusing

So what do you do when everything happens at once?  In the space of two weeks, I had a big deadline at my day job requiring several hours of extra work, my blog traffic and readership took a healthy leap, my coaching clients tripled and I got sick. Suddenly I was spinning and feeling a bit scattered.  What do you do when even the good stuff feels like a little too much?  Return to your core: your values and vision.

Ask yourself, “Does this task-choice-action align with my values and take me closer to my vision or ideal life?  Is this essential to who and what I want to be right now?”  Clear away the clutter (time, emotion, stuff), allow a little less than perfection, redirect your energy and get back on the path.  When you’ve established these things ahead of time, it’s a whole lot easier to bring it all back into focus.

Do you know what you value?  Do you have a vision for your ideal life or a clearly established goal you’re working towards?

Living Luminously: Jennifer Bennet

Science is over on the Nathaniel B. Palmer and Stephanie will be shore bound in a few short days.  I’ll give her a respectable amount of time to reenter the Northern hemisphere and peopled society, but then the pressure’s on to write a guest post or two telling us about her adventure to Antarctica.

In the meantime, I say we benefit once more from the fabulous blog she’s written during her trip.  Stephanie’s profiled another dynamic individual living luminously.  Follow this link to read about Jennifer Bennet, a graduate student who makes life meaningful by finding the connections among diverse life experiences.

What connections between interests and experiences can you find to create meaning in your life?