Are You Ready To Begin?

If you've found these posts worth reading so far, you're probably a ponderer, a seeker, someone who’s interested in continually growing to become a greater you.  I recognize you, as I have spent my life since I was a small child trying to make sense of things and always wanting more from myself.  I've read countless books, taken classes and attempted to align myself with others of like mind.  I spent a good bit of time in counseling to clear out the cobwebs, and still I knew there was something more I was looking for.  

Do you know when I really started to gain momentum and move toward creating a life that authentically reflected the core of who I am?  I can tell you that reaching mid-life didn't hurt, but more than anything, it was when I started working with a life coach.  Falling in love with great ideas and reading good books is not the same as doing what they suggest and that is how coaching can help you!

The only way to truly understand the power of coaching is to experience it, but here is a quick overview of what coaching is all about:

• Coaching is a partnership that focuses on the present and future in an effort to move you toward visions and goals
• In coaching, you as the client set the agenda, and I as the coach work with you to help you discover your own answers and take action to reach your goals
• In addition to offering you support, as requested by you, I hold you accountable for following through on the commitments you make

In my posts so far, we’ve covered what I consider the foundation of who we are as human beings: our needs, values, interests, strengths and beliefs.  It’s amazing how few of us are ever encouraged or really take the time to look closely at these integral parts of who we are and how they propel us toward or stop us short of our goals.  Ask yourself, “What vision do I have for my ideal life?  How close am I to bringing this to fruition? What is stopping me from reaching my goals?  Would I benefit from partnering with someone who will help me to identify and bring out the best manifestation of myself so that I might create the vision I have for my life?”

Are you ready for a coach?  Do you need someone who can help you look with new perspective on the patterns in your life, the changes you can make and the life you can create?  Would you like to learn more?

I am available for phone work if you’re too far to meet with me in person or if picking up the phone is more convenient than driving to an appointment.  A face to face meeting can also be arranged.  If you’d just like more information before deciding if coaching is what you need right now, a complimentary session can be arranged.  Just begin!

You can reach me by e-mail at luminouscoaching@gmail.com or by phone at 757-478-6990.

What questions do you have about coaching?

What Do You Do Best?

The final aspect of what creates the foundation of who we are is our strengths—those things that we do particularly well.  This may be a tricky area for you because we often downplay what we’re good at—"It’s easy for me, so it must not be a big deal.  Can’t everyone do this?"  If you’re not sure of your strengths, ask yourself, “What am I able to do consistently well and with relative ease?  What do people often ask me to do for them?  What skills come naturally to me or which ones have I been successful at working to hone?”   It is interesting to note that research has shown that happy people are, at least in part, those individuals who find ways to use their strengths everyday.

What do you do best and how often do you have the opportunity to use your strengths?

What Fascinates You?

Clearly a source of light within us, our interests connect us to the world and motivate us to get up in the morning.    What do you love to do?  What makes you curious and excited?  What would you love to be doing right now?  Perhaps you have a single focus that is holding your attention or maybe you can fill up pages with a variety of things that you would love to spend time on.  Have you ever taken time to observe yourself and what gives your soul a spark?  Take the time now to brainstorm a list of those things that you find fascinating and would love to devote time to exploring.


Tell me, if money and time weren't an issue, what interests would you love to pursue?  

Are You Being Well-Served by Your Beliefs?

Here's the thing about beliefs.  Many are literally pathways that have been created in our brain because we have thought them frequently over a long period of time. These rut-like pathways in our brain make it easy for the information to travel through it so that beliefs become effortless occurrences.  The beliefs then set up our mindset or our fixed mental attitude that determines how we will respond to and interpret experiences.  Long-held beliefs may be based on incomplete or inaccurate information.  Left unexamined, these beliefs may limit us and prevent us from moving toward our goals and visions.

Do an inventory of your beliefs to determine whether there are any that are no longer serving you and need to be weeded out.  Is it true that you're better off if you just do everything yourself?  Does the belief that the world is a dangerous place allow you to take the risks necessary to grow?  Is thinking that you are just not one of the lucky ones keeping you fixed in an uninspiring spot?  Is believing that you just need to work harder keeping you running in place?

Once you've identified an outmoded limiting belief, you have to find a new one with which to replace it.  Because a new brain path has to be created, you'll need to work at saying it to yourself over and over again.  In this way, you'll begin to shift your mindset and potentially your life experience!

Adapted from The Institute for Life Coach Training

Through What Lens Do You See Your World?

To what experiences, details and information in your life do you give your attention? According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (Chick-sent-me-hi) in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, the shape and content of our life depends on which of the millions of bits of information we choose to focus.  The way we focus contributes to our belief system which creates our mindset which manifests our life experience.  A little mind bending?  I agree.  Lets start at the core with our beliefs. What do you, deep down, believe to be true?

I decided I would share something that I wrote as a New Year's Eve ritual this past December.  Following the pattern of the National Public Radio series "This I Believe," I tried to distill some of my beliefs into statements.  I tried to use only those that I had earned through experience and that felt authentic to me.  What follows doesn't cover all of my beliefs but those that called out to me on the occasion.  I share it, not because it's great writing or because I'm convinced it will resonnate with you, but because I hope it will inspire you to focus your attention on your own beliefs for a time.  I would love to hear about some of your beliefs! Where have you placed your focus and to what beliefs has this led?

I Believe

I believe that one of the hardest things—one of the riskiest things you can do is to be absolutely still.    

In stillness, inner terrains often strange and sometimes treacherous can be explored.  This travel is done without a map and often without a guide.  When you spend enough time navigating internal tides, slaying dragons and familiarizing yourself with the history and culture of the place that is you, a kind of peace and assurance emerge and the authentic self may be revealed.

The mysterious workings of nature often only become visible if you sit long and quietly enough.  I believe that understanding and respecting our connection to the earth and its creatures is what both grounds us and fills us with spirit.

It is my belief that Truth can be found in the bone and that sometimes we must allow ourselves to go to dark places—to nearly decompose in order to see how we are constructed.

Anger is important, sometimes even crucial to finding peace, but you cannot live in both places at once and there comes a time when anger no longer propels you but begins to pool up and fester.

I believe that when you keep a commitment to a person or a thing, no matter how difficult or burdensome it may be, sometimes it is this very commitment that ultimately sets you free.

If we want to live a meaningful and connected life, we must take the time to reflect on what we are grateful for and then genuinely express our gratitude to others. 

In a society that honors the overt risk taker and the conqueror, I believe the still must learn to honor themselves.

Being still is not the same as being stagnant or complacent.  In fact, the growth that can come from stillness is fluid and ever-changing.  I believe it is never too late to become what you might have been.

I believe that if you respond to what calls out to you and draws you to it, no matter how incongruent it may seem, eventually everything converges and the purpose becomes clear.

When you do the thing that you have been most afraid to do, somehow everything releases and unanticipated possibilities open up. 

In the end I also believe that once the art of being still has been reasonably mastered, perhaps the next challenge is to learn when to take flight.

Sit with a belief, roll it over in your mind, craft it into a statement and share it here.

Are You Aligned?

What happens when your values are not aligned with your actions in your work, your relationships or your leisure time?  Perhaps it is like when your bones are out of whack.  You may have a vague sense that something just isn't right or you may be in a lot of pain and unable to move.  Even a slight misalignment can cause dis-ease and distraction and throw your entire day or perspective off.  


Now that you've prioritized your values, do a quick inventory and see where the source of any discomfort or dissatisfaction in your life may lie.  Consider the projects you are saying "yes" to, the commitments you are making and the company you keep.  Are they clearly linked to your values or do they pull you adrift from them?  What adjustments do you need to make in order to stay true to your inner guide?

Revealing Your Inner Guide

Finding out if you are on your true path may be accelerated if you have a clear understanding of your values.  Here is a quick exercise to help you determine what you value.   Do this step-by-step without reading ahead.

1.       Get four pieces of paper no larger than a small index card.

2.        On each of these papers, write one thing that you value.  Don’t fudge by writing broad categories (e.g. time to spend with my friends, family and to do hobbies).  Instead, really try to isolate the one thing that you value (e.g. friends OR family OR time to persue interests).

Complete step 2 before reading ahead.

3.       Place all four papers in front of you so that you can see what’s written on them.

4.       If you had to choose just one to get rid of, which one would it be?  Place this paper off to the side, face up.

Complete step 4 before reading ahead.

5.       Now look at the remaining three.  If you had to eliminate one of these, which would it be?  Place this paper face up on top of the first one.

Complete step 5 before reading ahead.

6.       By now you know that you have to get rid of one of the remaining two.  Which one goes?  Place this one face up on top of the first two.  Place the last one on top of those.

You have now prioritized your values with number one on top and number four on the bottom.

Were you surprised by the outcome?  Try this exercise with your close friends and family and see what they come up with.  Share your experience here, if you like!

What Needs are Crying to be Met?

Needs are part of being human, yet we're taught from an early age that to be tough and independent, we shouldn't have needs.  Don't be so sensitive, so dependent, so...needy!  If you've internalized this message, consider rethinking it.

Like an infant who is hungry or frightened and screams for food or comfort, we are driven by our unmet needs.  Left unaddressed, our needs will block us from moving forward and bringing to fruition our goals and visions.  No matter how "together" we are, new needs can surface at any time, depending on the changing situations in which we find ourselves.

Take a close look at your needs.  Repeatedly complete the statement "I need..." until you can't think of anymore.  For example, I need solitude, harmony, and intellectual stimulation.  If I find that one of these needs is not met for some time, I may become irritable, anxious or uninspired.  Feeling this way may lead to my inability to focus and move forward on goals I have for myself.

Allow yourself to have needs, take an inventory of those needs and then figure out what unmet needs may be blocking your desired progress.