Luminous Changes are Coming!

In January I'll be unveiling a new look and a new series for the blog.  With a little help from my creative connections, I'll be making the look of the blog more uniquely mine.  I'll add a new dimension to the content with a new series on everyday folks living luminous lives.  From a world class photographer to an environmentalist, and an artist/hypnotist/belly dancer who range in age from 20 something to 70 something (to name a few), I'll be sharing with you some individuals who have dedicated themselves to living luminous lives.  I'll attempt to add a little light to the dark days of winter.

Right away, though, I'll be offering a sneak preview of luminously living individuals later this week.  My first example is in the midst of a great adventure, and I don't want to wait to share him with you.  Watch for him later this week.  Also look for a little thanks giving in November and a little gift giving in December from me to you!

And in honor of Halloween...don't be haunted by a life undefined, a vision unfulfilled or a passion kept under wraps!  With a coach by your side gobblins in dark corners become mere dust bunnies easily swept up, and I happen to know a very good one who is eager to help!

Please stay tuned!

Crafting the Life Mosaic

                                                                                          Artwork by Kim Bielmann Cabotaje

Though in my bones I’ve long understood life to be composed of sinuous curves, I’ve also struggled with the idea we’re fed that you’re supposed to know what your life’s work will be and who you will marry and how you will live so that you can move forward.  The possibility that you should be pretty darn certain has gotten me stuck more than once in life.  At the same time I was considering that there just might be some truth to this singular goal approach to our purpose, I continued to act on those things I was called to do even when they didn’t seem practical or hold up to others’ definitions of success. 

I took more classes than I needed to in college because I just felt drawn to them.  I’ve worked at jobs that paid far less than I was “worth” because the experience felt so valuable to me. I changed course on a path that didn't feel right even before I could fully articulate why.  I gathered up skills and understandings that at times seemed disjointed and possibly made me appear to be scattered.  I continued to move forward even though I often struggled with doubts.

And so it is interesting that just recently one of my big ideas about life purpose has crystallized.  Among other reasons, I think it is the rule of threes that has finally allowed me to fully embrace and internalize my belief.  I am referring to the phenomena in our culture in literature (The 3 Little Pigs), in religion (heaven, hell and purgatory), in politics (life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness), etc.  We believe that things presented or created in threes have a certain magical fullness.

Here are my three encounters with the thoughts of others that have solidified my own perspective on purpose:

An Anais Nin quote that has long given me comfort:

“There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination.  Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.” 

An excerpt from Steve Jobs’ Stanford graduation speech:

“Much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on… None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life.”  It was ten years before he found a use for the knowledge of calligraphy (how I do love fonts!) that he gained when indulging in his college meandering.  It wasn’t in looking forward and attempting to have all the answers before he began that things made sense, Jobs clarifies.  “You can only connect [the dots] when looking backward.”

The idea of the “slow hunch” from the Steven Johnson YouTube video “Where Do Good Ideas Come From?”:

“Breakthrough ideas almost never come in a moment of great insight—in a sudden stroke of inspiration. Most ideas take a long time to evolve and they spend a long time dormant in the background.  It isn’t until the idea has had two or three years, sometimes 10 or 20 years to mature, that it becomes accessible to you and useful to you in a certain way…Good ideas usually come from the collision of smaller hunches so they form something bigger than themselves.”

I know that there are some individuals who have a passion, even from a very young age, that gives them a focus that drives their life—thank goodness for the scientist dedicating her life to finding the cure for a disease, for example. But I have come to believe that if I just listen to what is calling to me, even in a quiet voice, I will eventually see how apparent diversions on a meandering path fit into the bigger picture.  By trusting the intuitive placement of bits of colorful and sparkling glass, I will allow a shimmering picture to emerge and will be all the richer for the experience. 

What path has your purpose taken?

Making Every Moment Holy

                                                                                                  Kim Bielmann Cabotaje

I am too alone in the world, and not alone enough

to make every moment holy.

I want to be with those who know secret things

or else alone.

~Rainer Maria Rilke

As a unique traveler, are you compelled to find connections and make meaning in the world? What do you do when you can't find a community or even just one other who shares your desire as a seeker?

The Great Accomplishment of Nothing At All

At a cookout recently, everyone was sitting outside around a table on a great fall afternoon and my friend's young daughter was appealing to one of the guests to do something with her.  She was feeling bored and wanted to have fun.  He told her to enjoy having nothing to worry about--your job, the mortgage--while she could.  I added that sometimes the best something to do is nothing at all.  She was not impressed.

Think about it, though.  How would our days be different if we viewed doing nothing as an accomplishment?   I have an achievement orientation which means I tend to judge the quality of my days by what I've accomplished.  I feel good when I can think about the day and all of the good stuff I've gotten done.  Sound familiar?  What if we nestled in among all of our tasks and go-go chores time doing absolutely nothing and then checked it off of our list with a sense of achievement?

How easy is it for you to do nothing at all?  If you're accomplished at doing nothing, what tips can you share?

What Have You Got To Fear?

I feel like I'm back in graduate school working on a huge research paper today except my joints, cranky from sitting all day, sharply inform me I am much older!   I've spent hours refining my presentation for my session next Saturday at the Virginia Association for the Gifted Conference "The Many Faces of Gifted,"  and am feeling pretty good about it.  Though brain boggling, there is also something exhilarating about synthesizing months of reading and connection making into a neat and compact product.  I'll make plenty of changes over the next week, but the soul of it is there!

While leafing through books, I came across this tasty tidbit underlined in the pages of Mary-Elaine Jacobson's book on gifted adults:

 "We fear being overwhelmed as much as we fear being constrained.  We fear being undersupported as much as we fear being controlled.  We fear success as much as we fear failure, for after all, once we achieve that first success, expectations and risk rise."


Need I question why, of all the highlighting I've done, these lines stand out to me today?  I'll turn it around on you instead.

What is keeping you from acknowledging the greatness you already have within?

A Little Help from My Friends

Hello Friends.  I will be presenting a session this month at the Virginia Association for the gifted state conference titled "Life Coaching for Self-Understanding and Potential Fulfillment."  I'm going to be talking with folks about the natural fit of life coaching with the needs of the gifted.  I'll be sharing some of this presentation here is upcoming posts.

Several of you have sent me personal e-mails or responded to a post on the blog to let me know how learning about being a Unique Traveler has affected you.  If you have been reading the Unique Traveler posts and have seen yourself reflected here, would you consider sending me a brief e-mail letting me know what it has meant to you to learn about the characteristics and experiences of unique travelers?  I would like to use some of these as quotes in my presentation.  I will not use any names, but will simply identify them as quotes from readers.

Thanks for considering this request and for showing up to read my blog!

Introversion: It's All About Energy

                                                         Kim Bielmann Cabotaje 2011

“Lonliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.”                                                     
                                                                                         ~May Sarton

I don't think that an extrovert often has to explain why he needs to be out around people so much of the time.  She probably infrequently hears the well-meaning, unsolicited advice of friends and family to "turn inward a bit" or "go sit in your room for a while and get comfortable with being alone."  Yet, until I better understood my trait of introversion, I often presented lengthy explanations about why too many nights out left me numb and incapable of really experiencing even the things that I otherwise enjoyed doing and defending my need for time alone.  I was frequently left feeling that there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. 

To aggravate my “problem,” I was often attracted to extroverts in friendship and romance.  I married a big ole extrovert and we struggled for some time trying to find a balance between our temperaments.  For him, relaxing at the end of a work week ideally means going out for dinner and drinks and taking in the crowds of people.  After working, often intensely, with people all week long, I am rarely capable of much more than sitting mutely on the couch with a book or the remote.  Fortunately I have friends and family who, once I understood and could better explain my needs to them, stopped pushing me to be someone I am not and have come to respect and even protect my need for time and space.

Whether you or someone you love is an introvert, here are a few morsels that may give you some insight into introversion.  According to the Myers-Briggs profile, there are 16 different personality types.  You are either an introvert or extravert as well as sensing or intuiting, thinking or feeling and judging or perceiving.  Each of these traits is believed to be inborn, exists on a continuum, occurs more or less frequently, and results in different styles of thinking and behaving.  My personal blend, INFP, is less than 1% of the population prompting the practitioner who gave me the assessment to open with, “Do you ever feel like an alien?”   In the general population, introverts turn up about 25% of the time.  Among unique travelers, however, the frequency of introverts is above 50% and even greater among the most highly intelligent.

Introversion is not about being shy or disliking people.  In fact, many introverts are more comfortable intimately connecting with others in conversation and friendship than their counterparts.  Rather, it is about how one gets energy: introverts spend energy when interacting with others and extraverts get energy.  Leave an extravert alone too long and he is uncomfortable.  Surround an introvert with people for an extended period of time and she’ll need to be alone to recharge.  The reserve or caution of many introverts is often mistaken for aloofness.  Even when an introvert consciously protects his energy around others and has a day that goes smoothly without incident, he may find he is a bit tapped by the end of the day.  It takes energy to protect your energy. 

While there are a few societies where introverts are the cool kids and their temperament is prized (can you imagine having everyone wanting to be your friend because you like to sit alone in your room listening to music, sketching or reading?), American culture celebrates and rewards the bold, risk-taking, out-there individuals.  This may leave the introvert exhausted from trying to fit in and confused about why they can’t be “normal.”  Alas, it is not about one type being better than the other.  After all, we are in need of both the counselor and the warrior.  It is about respecting our differences--valuing and making the best use of our strengths.   So, if your introversion often seems like just one more thing to make you feel a little freaky in the world, take heart!  Among unique travelers, introversion is more common than you might think.