Change is Inevitable

                                                                                          Kim Bielmann Cabotaje 2011

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”  ~Anatole France

We all face countless transitions in our lives, from the end of vacation to the change of a job to the addition of family members to the loss of someone we love.  Change is inevitable.  I am reminded on the eve of returning to my day job, though it is fulfilling and challenging and I really like it, that all transitions bring challenge.  It may sound melodramatic to say that because my long summer holiday is coming to an end something is dying in me, but there really is a sense of loss and change which leaves me feeling quite sad.  Tomorrow I will dive into the new school year and I will be re-energized, but today I have to honor the transition and the experience that is part of the process. 

There are lots of things I am losing.  Though I almost never have a summer truly “off”, I do have the freedom to make choices about the commitments I will make and the work I will do.  I can stay up late, go for long walks and don’t have to participate in the grind of go, go, go and get to work every day!  I have more control over my time and energy and a greater sense of balance. I can move intuitively through my days and feel incredibly productive as a result.  There are less chunks of myself I have to give away on a daily basis. 

Though I’ll also be gaining things by returning to work (structure, community, connection), my chest is heavy today and I choose to sit with that feeling rather than pretend it away.  I have rituals (lay out my clothes, pack my bag, tie up loose ends, walk on the beach, reflect on my favorite summer experiences) to help me ease the transition.  Part of me doesn’t want to stop feeling sad because it means I will have switched gears and will be moving on to a new pace and a new focus.  But soon enough I will be looking forward to my favorite season of the year, thinking about the fall holidays, relishing the hint of a chill on the edge of the slow burn of the final days of summer.  Another chapter in my life will be complete along with the transition.   

We all face change.  How we approach it determines how easy a transition we have.  What changes are you facing? What can you do to honor any loss you may feel as a result and to clear the way for exciting new experiences?

Unique Travelers and the Creative Personality

Few would argue that the creative personality is unique, and  it can be hard to nail down.  Often misunderstood, creative types can be thought to be irresponsible or too unconventional.  As is true with so many things in life, it's a little more complex than that.  Lets have a look at the dichotomies one might find in the personality of a creative individual. 

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (Mee-hy Cheek-sent-me-hi) has spent more than 30 years studying how creative people live and work.  He has attempted to understand the often mysterious process of creativity.  In his book Creativity: The Work and Lives of 91 Eminent People,Csikszentmihalyi notes how multifaceted the creative personality can be and points to a theme of contradictions in creative people.  Here are descriptions of some of these paradoxes:

• Creative people can have a lot of energy but also may need quiet and rest.  When necessary, they can have an intense focus on the project or problem at hand.  This intensity is often followed, however, by a need for rest.
• Creative people may at once be smart and naive.  Though a degree of intelligence is often required to make significant creative contributions, it seems that a beginner’s mind, one that allows a sense of awe and wonderment, are also needed to create.
• Creative people alternate between imagination and fantasy and reality.  While imagination was required to conceive of what was initially perceived as the fantasy of electricity or the telephone or the television, ultimately the technology had to be rooted in reality to have meaning.
• Creative people are both rebellious and conservative.  Never taking chances is unlikely to lead to change.  Always attempting to create change without an understanding of history and tradition is unlikely to create embraceable change. 
• The heightened sensitivity of the creative individual opens them to experiencing deep pain and intense joy.  It also leads them to a level of awareness needed to create.

What kinds of contradictions do you find in your own personality or that of someone close to you?  How do you reconcile what seem to be very different ways of moving through the world?

Celebrating a Small Milestone!

I'm ready for a little celebration!  In just eight page views, my blog's ticker tape will reach 1,000.  I'm pretty darn pleased with that and would like to reward you, my readers, for getting me there.  I have an offer for you.  If you are a follower or a subscriber and you are one of the first three people to refer a client to me, I'll give you a month (or four sessions) of free coaching.  Here is a flyer that you can use to help explain coaching to anyone you're thinking about referring.   I'd be glad to send it to you in a PDF file via e-mail or mail you hard copies--just let me know!  I'd also love to come and talk with your group or organization about coaching. Thanks for your support and for helping me reach a milestone!

Internal Luminosity 

Coaching for a Life Worth Living

                                                          Kim Bielmann Cabotaje

757.478.6990 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting            757.478.6990      end_of_the_skype_highlighting 

luminouscoaching@gmail.com 

http://internal-luminosity.blogspot.com/

Available for meeting in person or on the phone 

for individual or group coaching

 

As a professional life coach, I work with individuals who feel that there is something more in life, but don’t have a clear vision of what that might be or how to get there.  Through an exploration that helps them define their core values, their strengths and their passions, they begin to see how they might integrate these vital parts of themselves—those elements that comprise their internal luminosity—into a life that gives them a sense of purpose, joy and fulfillment.  I partner with people who seek to create a life that they define as well worth living. 

I have a Masters Degree in Education and 30 additional graduate hours that include an endorsement in gifted education and coursework in critical and creative thinking and counseling.  I have received coach training from the Institute for Life Coach Training which is accredited by the International Coach Federation.  Through the Creative Problem Solving Institute, I have been trained in the Creative Problem Solving process.   For 15 years I have worked as a gifted educator, with nine of those years being dedicated to coaching the teachers who provide instruction to these students. 

More importantly, I have sat with the dying, have lived through a radical renovation necessary to make room to welcome my mother-in-law into my home, have rescued, nurtured and lost beloved doggies, have created and sold artwork, have done a fair bit of traveling, have struggled with and conquered demons and have spent my life from childhood to the present as a seeker who loves to make sense of the world and to find joy in it. 

Here’s what people have said about their work with me: “Kim is a great listener who doesn’t judge.”  “Both children and adults are comfortable asking for and sharing ideas with her.” “She has an amazing ability to bring a sense of harmony and tranquility.” “A love of learning shines in her.” “Creative, down-to-earth, funny and empathetic.”  “I find her engaging, insightful and full of ideas.” “Kim has the ability to stir up thoughts in my mind that I would not just think of out of the blue.”


 If you are someone who wants to make the most of their creativity or multipotentiality, wants to better understand their personality or gifted characteristics, is going through a life transition, would like to explore how to design their life, or needs to do some creative problem solving about an issue large or small, call me for a free appointment to determine if I might be the right partner for you! Check out my blog, Internal Luminosity (http://internal-luminosity.blogspot.com/), to learn more about me and the work I do.

What are you risking by not taking the next step toward creating a life that you find well worth living?

The Value of Unplugging

                                                                                          Kim Bielmann Cabotaje 2011                                                                            

In an age of technological connectivity, disconnecting can be very difficult if not darn near impossible.  On top of that, if you are someone who is compelled to constantly look for connections between words, facts, behaviors, experiences, etc., being technologically plugged in may just intensify this experience.  What if you were to unplug?

I recently read an article that said that a majority of Americans don’t use their vacation time and those who do spend a lot of it answering e-mails and taking calls from work.  This article also suggested that a long weekend is not restorative and that ideally, to get the rest we need, we should aim for two consecutive weeks of vacation.  Sound like pie in the sky?  Ask yourself, “What is it costing me not to take time to rest and recreate?  What is the value of unplugging?”

I’ve been fairly disconnected, with the exception of a little photo swapping and family phone calls, for nearly a week.  I’m spending time with my brother and sister-in-law, my young nephew and their doggie in Houston.  It’s a great place with lots to do and see, but we’ve done very little.  We’ve eaten good food, played a little virtual frisbee golf, watched some movies, danced around the house and gone for a walk.  I couldn’t ask for a better vacation.  In addition to enjoying time with my family, for the first time in months and months, I feel completely rested and nearly worry-free.  I couldn’t have achieved that in a long weekend or at home where I’m constantly reminded of projects and obligations, and it’s easy for someone to request a bit of my time.

If I had a second week, I would definitely have the energy to go and do.  As it is, when I head home I’ll have just about a week before I leap into all of the intensities of a new work year, and I already have several appointments scheduled for that week.  To make the best use of my rested mind and still body, I’m asking myself these questions: What have I comfortably done without that I was previously defining as essential, and how can I protect the time and space that not having/doing those things leaves me?  What steps can I take to avoid letting the productivity:leisure ratio get so out of balance?  What promises to myself do I need to make and keep before promising my time and skills to others?

When is the last time you really unplugged?  What is it costing you to wait any longer?

The Well Balanced Educator

A Free Workshop from

Internal Luminosity

Coaching for a Life Worth Living

with

Kim Bielmann Cabotaje

The Well Balanced Educator

Join me at the oceanfront on Croatan Beach to create a vision of the new school year that is healthy, balanced and value driven.  Engage in exercises that will help you identify your core values and needs so that you can use them to guide your choices during the school year.  You’ll leave the workshop with a mission statement and vision that will give you the discipline, confidence and skill to say “yes”  only to those tasks and responsibilities that are aligned with your purpose and allow you  

to maintain a healthy balance. 

This is certain to be a great ritual to make the transition into a new year!

Wednesday, August 24, 10am-12 pm

810 South Atlantic Avenue

(757)478-6990

luminouscoaching@gmail.com

http://internal-luminosity.blogspot.com/

R.S.V.P no later than Sunday, August 21, and additional details will be provided

Summer won’t be over, so bring a lunch and

lounge on the beach with me for the afternoon!

The workshop is free, but donations are accepted.

The Perilous Partnership of Perfectionism and Procrastination

"Don't wait for something big to occur.  Start where you are, with what you have, and that will always lead you into something greater."  ~Mary Manin Morrissey

For years I was the Queen of Gettin' Ready to Get Ready.  I had lots of ideas for projects and adventures, but I was paralyzed by the fear that I didn't know enough yet or wasn't good enough yet and I knew that I would never be able to achieve anything as perfect as my grand vision. So I settled for the safety of mediocrity and always promised myself that I'd get to whatever I was putting off as soon as I was well prepared.  Perfectionism breeds procrastination.

I began taking little risks and finding that I knew more than I thought I did, I definitely had some strengths and sometimes I even created some pretty good products.  Regardless the outcome, the world did not end and mistakes often presented unexpected ideas and opportunities.  I'm not completely cured of perfectionism or procrastination, but I'm taking even bigger risks these days and trusting that if I just keep making the effort and following the path that continually unfolds before me as a result, great things will come.

What is something you've long wanted to achieve?  How can you start today right where you are and take one small step toward that vision or goal?  What would happen if you let go of the idea of perfection?

My Dog As Trainer

This past spring, I decided that I either needed to use the gym membership that I’d had for nearly a year or cancel it.  To test my willingness to commit, I took advantage of the free sessions with a trainer.  I went in and explained that I wanted a very basic routine that would work all the muscle groups and that I could do a minimum of two times a week.  I knew myself and I had to start slow and increase at my own pace or I would not stick to it.  I get very uncomfortable if my illusion of self-control is threatened.

My trainer seemed very knowledgeable and was likable, so I followed her instructions.  The first visit was leisurely and non-threatening. The second visit was a good bit more strenuous and felt like I was really pushing my limits.  I didn’t complain, good student that I am, and I kept reminding myself that my nephew and step-son were both in basic training in the hot, hot south, so the least I could do was endure a little workout.  I finished, went home and literally collapsed on my bedroom floor.  I couldn’t lift my arms up for a good hour and felt like I just might puke.  The fact is that I’m not sure that my trainer, well intentioned as she was, really heard my request and I didn’t listen to myself because I kept on going.  Not to mention that my nephew and step-son are both 25 years my junior.  I cancelled my gym membership.

Here’s what I did instead.  I started walking my dog, Tuck.  He lost his two canine sisters last fall and with the long cold winter and his sudden unwillingness to stay outside alone, he spent a good deal of time inside, hunkered down with us.  The middle age spread was getting the best of both of us, and it was time we did something.  So, without any other agenda than to get out and walk, we began.  First we walked 20-25 minutes just to build up some endurance and we quickly kicked up our activity level.  I am proud to say that, as of today, we have walked 43 out of the past 46 days.  The only days we haven’t walked are when I was out of town, and for some time now we’ve been walking an average of 40 minutes a day.  I may not be on the road to super fit and toned, but we now have a habit that I hardly think twice about, I feel great and I’m looking forward to taking on some more strenuous activities.

I started to think about how my dog Tuck is the ideal trainer for me.  He’s super motivated and doesn’t ever let me cop out, but he’s also ultimately in it for feeling good and having fun. His philosophy seems to be push hard at the beginning and go for as long as you can—you can always slow down when you get too tired.  Balance is preferable as long as you’re moving.  Sometimes a disciplined walk is desirable but sometimes wandering through the woods is good, too.  While on your walk, think only about the present moment or you’ll miss the experience all together (which is probably why he never lets me get a good picture of him!).  Don’t waste time planning, calculating and recording your progress.  Just get out and do it, and let the experience of the natural high propel you to your next outing.

In the end, you are the expert on you.  Partnering with someone can be a tremendous help with motivation and staying honest in your efforts to make improvements.  However, you have to make sure that the partner you choose listens and that you’re willing to make yourself heard.  And if it turns out that the ideal partner is unconventional, perhaps, all the better!  For you see, dogs can be trainers, too!


From what unexpected places have you found a source of motivation?  When has trusting what you know about yourself paid off?

Unique Travelers and The Too Toos

Have you ever been criticized for being too serious, too sensitive, too concerned, too excited, too TOO?  Well, here's some information that might put you at ease about your intensity.  Let's have a look at a Polish psychiatrist named Kazimierz Dabrowski (1902-1980).  He developed the Theory of Positive Disintegration which basically says that internal struggle and even suffering are essential to progressing to higher levels of development.  This process moves one away from a self-centered focus and toward altruism and moral development.  Not everyone advances in this way.  Though higher intelligence levels are not essential, the combination of innate ability or intelligence with overexcitabilities (OE) makes it more likely that one will.


Overexcitabilities are innate tendencies that manifest in a heightened reaction to stimuli.  Individuals who have this natural tendency experience things more deeply resulting in a qualitatively different way of experiencing the world as described by Piechowski. This experience and the reaction to it can lead to others defining  these individuals as too much.  Though as a society we benefit from the individual who can intensely focus on finding a solution to a problem or work tirelessly to help victims of a disaster or write a novel that can dramatically shift our perspective, we're witnessing the product.  We often praise the outcome but criticize the personality that has been responsible for creating it.

I know this is a lot to digest, so let me describe the five types of OEs and you can determine for yourself if they characterize the unique traveler in you.

• Psychomotor OE: characterized by restlessness, large capacity for activity, a need for movement and drivenness--may talk rapidly and a lot, have nervous habits and be misdiagnosed with ADHD
• Sensual OE: characterized by a heightened awareness of and reaction to the senses, both positive and negative, including sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing--may be deeply moved by art, music and social issues and may become easily overstimulated
• Intellectual OE: characterized by a need to understand, find the truth and analyze--may be a voracious reader, be capable of sustained intellectual pursuits and require logic and fairness
• Imaginational OE: characterized by a rich imagination, use of imagery and metaphor and vivid dreams--may blur the lines between fact and fiction, have a rich fantasy life, have difficulty focusing and drift off into their imagination
• Emotional OE: characterized by intense feelings both positive and negative, complex emotions and the ability to empathize with others--may be seen as melodramatic, be deeply committed to relationships and have a large capacity for compassion

Can you see how individuals who have a combination of these OEs may see the world through a different lens than many?  Does it make sense that at times this experience could be joyous while other times it could leave one feeling out of sync with others and frustrated?  If you can relate to any of the OEs, can you see how understanding that they are a natural part of who you are might make your unique travels a little more comfortable?


What is your reaction to learning a little about overexcitabilities?  What would you like to understand better?