Becoming Real

I've been thinking a lot lately about the pace of things and the energy it takes to create something that has meaning to you and that you feel has quality.  I sometimes wonder if, because I'm not as speedy as some and it takes a lot to keep my energy balanced, I'm not the "real thing" or I don't have what it takes to be successful in a quickly changing and pretty competitive market.  


As I  use every ounce of the dwindling energy I have to close out the school year, I worry a bit.  And then  I'm reminded of a lesson I did with a group of second graders earlier this year in which we read and discussed "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams. It's amazing the depth to which 7 year olds can discuss a piece of literature, and I'm often struck by the value children's stories can have for adults.


Here is what the Skin Horse says to the Velveteen Rabbit when he asks about how one becomes real:

"It doesn't happen all at once...You become.  It takes a long time.  That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

To create something of use and quality--something worth doing--often takes time.  If we seek excellence, we have to have patience with the process and with ourselves.

The Internal Luminosity logo is completed, and I'm very happy with it! I was tempted to share it with you here, but I decided to be patient and share the whole package with you.  We've moved on to the blog, and I love the promise of tying everything together to create a cohesive package.  I'm one step closer to bringing everything to fruition and becoming a little more real.

Please remain curious!

Creation in Progress!

                                                                               Photo: Kim Bielmann Cabotaje, 2012

                                                                                           

I’ve been away, but I haven’t been idle.  I wanted to check in with you so we can stay connected…so you know I’m working hard for us.  I need you and I have a lot of exciting things to offer you in the months to come!  Let me tell you what I’ve been up to.

I’m one step closer to creating a unique identity for Internal Luminosity the business, the blog and the tribe.  Doing so is an intricate, creative, thoughtful process, and I’m very pleased that the designer I’m working with agrees.  I look forward to telling you more about her as this project is brought to fruition.  I anticipate welcoming you to our new home in mid-summer.

I just finished writing an article on emotional intensity for the National Association for Gifted Children’s parent newsletter and will share a link to that later in May.

This weekend I served on a panel of graduates from the Women’s Studies Program at Old Dominion University.  They are celebrating their 35^th Anniversary this year and had an anniversary/reunion celebration this weekend.  It included presentations from faculty, current students and graduates.  The purpose of the graduates speaking was to explain about what they have done since completing their degrees or certificates.  


It was fulfilling to be able to make the connections from the self-knowledge, inspiration and confidence gained through my Women’s Studies certificate courses over fifteen years ago to all of the choices I’ve made and experiences I’ve been able to create for myself since.  I also got the word out to a few more people about this work that I feel so passionate about--helping unique travelers craft lives they find well worth living.  The event renewed my interest in the experience of gifted females, and I will share more about that in the future.

And then, if I am to be completely honest, there have been strawberries to pick, and nature to commune with and the constant whispering of the garden inviting me to dig and weed and sew—a meditation not to be missed.   All this, and you, are part of my life well worth living.  If I may ask, please be patient during this process and know that great new things are underway!  

P.S. The photo above is of the nest a pair of robins have built in the wreath on my front door.  The meaning making machine in me (or the the intuitive interpreter) accepts it as a symbolic gesture and a very good omen!

The Cumulative Effect of Little Steps

Here’s the thing.  There are plenty of obstacles that we could let get in the way of creating the life we want to live.  Maybe we’re older than we think we ought to be or the bills are piled up high or we’ve said “yes” so much that there is no room in our lives for our Selves.  Accept that reasoning if you wish.

Or consider this.  There are 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week, about 30 days in a month, 52 weeks in a year.  Are you convinced that it is impossible to spend 20 minutes a day doing something you love (140 minutes a week), one hour a week (52 hours a year), or one day a month (12 days a year) doing something that really matters to you?  Or what if you just took one step a week toward a vision you want to bring to fruition?  If every week you read one article, completed one sketch, made one connection, eliminated some physical or psychological clutter or completed one more task in your big plan, by the end of the year you would be 52 steps closer to where you want to be.

Recently my husband came in to my home office where I was working late after working late.  “Does it feel like work to you?  Because I don’t want you to feel like all you do is work.” “ In fact,” I told him, “it feels great because I’m getting to do what I really want to do.  And look how far I’ve come!”

About this time last year, my coaching business was in its infancy, I read very few blogs and I had no real idea about how to set one up on my own.  What I did have was a passion informed by years of independent study that gave me just enough confidence to believe that I might be able to meet some need in the world.  I also had my share of bills, a family, a demanding day job that was important to me and an energy level that had to be carefully balanced.  By continually taking little risks that required little steps, I added to my bank of progress.  I still have plenty of work to do, but I am much closer to my vision because I do little bit more all the time.

I’m very excited that I’ve just found a designer who is helping me to create a logo and a brand new home for this blog and our tribe.  My original timeline of having everything ready to go for the new year was a bit ambitious, but I just readjusted my plans and kept taking steps towards my end goal.  My progress is imperfect, sometimes comes in fits and sometimes requires that I challenge doubts and insecurities.  But I just keep reminding myself of all the little steps I’ve taken so far and take another.

What little step toward your vision can you take this week and next week and the week after that so that, before you know it, you look over your shoulder and have to squint to see the place where you began?  Are you worth a few minutes of your time?

A More Balanced Perspective on Balance

 

If we expect balance to be a perfectly weighted equation in which we cross off or eliminate from one side and then the other in a regularly alternating pattern—first here, now there, next here, now there—then we’re likely to be eternally disappointed and to perceive ourselves as a failure.  I get tricked into thinking this way often enough.   Then I remember that even nature doesn’t follow such rigid rules.  The upcoming vernal equinox with its nearly equal amounts of daylight and darkness is oh so temporary and ever so fleeting.   And I was never really that good at math.

 A more fluid metaphor may be required.  How might we differently and more truthfully conceive of balance?  Perhaps cycles of tides or seasons or moon phases would work better, but even they tend to be a bit too predictable.  Maybe rolling hills or a meandering river that’s constantly being changed by weather, erosion, human impact and other unexpected events might work.  I suppose it’s best to think about what analogy comforts you and helps keep you both productive and restored, but consider something that allows flexibility.  


How do you think of balance?  When do you feel balanced?  What do you do when you are out of balance? 

Incubation: A Creative Leap of Faith

                                                                      Photo Kim Cabotaje, 2012

Ever wonder why some of your best ideas come to you in the shower, upon waking in the middle of the night or when you are not intensely focusing on the problem, issue or idea at hand?  In the creative process, this is what is known as incubation—a period of time when the mind does not appear to be actively engaged in problem solving or creating but a kind of synthesis is occurring behind the scenes.  Like the seed you push into the carefully prepared soil that seems to lie stagnant for days and then spontaneously appears at the earth’s surface rapidly pushing up a stem and then leaves and then ultimately a lush bloom, your idea needs time to grow and to take shape. 

So, when you have pushed your thinking to the limit, and the soil of your mind has been plowed, fertilized and sowed, take a rest.  Listen to music, read for pleasure, take a walk or a nap and trust that the creative process is underway and the product of all your preparation will present itself in good time and quite possibly when you least expect it.

Do you allow yourself time away from the intensity of active thinking and problem solving?  Do you give your brain the time and space it needs to create?

Thinking About How You Think

“It takes a lot of time to be a genius.  You have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing.”                  

                                                                                                               ~Gertrude Stein

When it comes to metacognition or thinking about your thinking, many unique travelers ultimately do one of two things: they learn early on not to be too revealing about the workings of their mind lest they be deemed odd or judged to “think too much,” or they come to assume that their thinking process is nothing out of the ordinary.  Being aware of our thinking, however, is crucial to understanding the choices we make and the potential we hold.

Last year I had the rare delight of sitting one-on-one with a gifted third grader who amazed me with his awareness of his own metacognition.  With his parents’ permission, I’m going to give you a peek into the conversation in which this young student revealed his metacognition—thinking about how he thinks…knowing how he knows—to help you better understand what it means.

He and I were talking about his work habits.  He sometimes seemed to be not paying attention and he wasn’t getting his work done despite being very intelligent and capable.  His teachers and I were working together to try to figure out how to keep him on task and productive.  When I asked him if he could help me understand what was going on, this is what he said, verbatim.

“Your brain and your body are attached.  Your brain is the controller of your body—without it your body would just be an empty shell.  I am ¼ brain, ¼ thinking and 2/4 imagining.  The imagine part is the biggest part of the brain.  The mind is what helps you think.  [When I’m working on an assignment], my body keeps doing what the brain told it to and then my mind gets lost in space (I start thinking about other things I’d rather be doing) and then my brain forgets to tell my body to stop.  And then once I realize that I forgot to stop, I realize that I still have other things to do, and I’ve given myself more work and then I get frustrated.  I want to focus and get it done quickly but the more work means it’s gonna take longer.  When thinking takes over completely, that’s when I do very, very good work.”

I was so impressed with this student’s awareness of his thinking process and his ability to articulate it very matter-of-factly and thought how much we underestimate what the young mind is capable of.  I began to think about my own thinking as a young person—could there really be nothing?  Isn’t nothing something?  If God created everything, then who created God…and who created whoever created God?  What if what I see as a tree, someone else sees as a dog and what is real to me is totally different to everyone else?

What happens to the young mind that wonders and questions freely and in the bliss of innocence?

What if thinking about how you think and knowing how you know and allowing your “imagining brain” to take over from time to time is not a luxury at all but crucial to you becoming fully who you are and creating the life you are meant to live?  If you’ve lost touch with your thinking or you’ve learned to be ever reasonable and logical, perhaps going back to your child mind will reconnect you to who you were and you will find that you’re not so very different a person today.  You don’t have to be a genius to think differently and you don’t have to be a child to use your imagining mind.

How does your brain work?  When is your thinking most productive? What do you do when your thinking is challenged or stops working?  How do you navigate challenges in your thinking?  From where do your thoughts originate? 

How Much is Enough?

“ With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, 
who could not be happy?”

~Oscar Wilde

Even with the current state of the economy and so many people looking for work, as a country we remain far wealthier and in possession of far more stuff than most places on the planet.  Yet there is a large body of evidence that a significant number of Americans don’t think they have enough.  I’m not dismissing the hardship brought on by unemployment—my family has not gone untouched by this experience and I personally understand the challenges it brings.  Still, I encourage you to ask yourself, “How much is enough?”

The human race has ingrained in it an ancient fear of scarcity which is accompanied by a need to have more.  The truth is, however, research on happiness and life satisfaction indicates that no matter how much you have, it doesn’t guarantee you happiness.  What is more likely to support fulfillment is having enough to create a reserve.  You do not have to be financially wealthy to have a reserve of money.  Rather, you have to know how much is enough for you--as you personally define it, not as the media or the Jones’ do. 

Taking the time to figure out how much is enough—and it may be far less that you think—allows you to create a reserve.  Having a reserve enables you to relax in the knowledge that you will always have enough.  Trusting you have enough fills you with the energy required to explore and create and puts you on the path to your life worth living.   

How do you know how much is enough?

Use What You Have!

Spring will be here before we know it.  Though we’ve had a pretty mild winter in my neck of the woods, I always look forward to the change of seasons.  Spring means longer days, reconnecting with neighbors, getting my hands in the dirt, becoming more active and the sounds of the world waking up.  Spring also means spring cleaning!  Here’s something to consider as you get ready for the transition: cleaning out by using what you have.  I’ve done this as a matter of necessity and a matter of choice, so I believe I can speak to both approaches.

Two years ago, with very little time for preparing, my husband and I hauled most of the contents of our house into storage.  We were a family in crisis and needed to do major home remodeling so that we could bring additional family members into our house.  What this meant is that a lot of stuff was stowed away that probably would have been better sent to Goodwill or the trash.  That storage became literal and psychological clutter that would have to be dealt with at a later time.

Last summer, I began the process of making trip after trip to load up my car with boxes, bring them home and then haul them into the house and up the stairs.  What loomed before me was the awful process of sorting through and deciding the fate of my stuff.  I dreaded it, but I’d made a promise to myself that I would touch each thing only once.  If I didn’t have a place to put it away, it couldn’t stay in the house.  Once I got going, I could feel the weight lifting off of me, and I was inspired to do more.  I decided that for the rest of the summer, I wouldn’t buy any new personal care products like shampoo, make-up, soaps or lotions.  Instead, I would use what I had.  At the end of the summer, if I hadn’t used something or decided it wasn’t a good product for me, I would give or throw it away.  This is an ongoing process.

We’ve done this with the pantry and freezer, too.  Essentials like milk, eggs, bread and fresh produce could be purchased, but other than that we had to be creative and use what we had.  No major grocery trips were made until the cupboards were pretty darn bare.  This fall and winter, I decided to do it with my wardrobe.  With the exception of a few basic purchases, what would it be like to resist buying new clothes until the ones you have are good and worn?  How could you creatively put together what you already have to make new outfits?  And then there are my art supplies and books.  Every time I get an idea for a new project or want a new book, I resist buying new materials and instead improvise with and use the things I already have.

This is what this experiment has done for me.  First, it has made me incredibly aware, despite my being more on the frugal end of the spectrum, of how much stuff I still manage to buy and accumulate.  Next, it’s made me more conscious of how much I already have and has led to me wanting less.  Most importantly, though, it has helped me to see just how resourceful I can be and just how little it takes to make me comfortable and happy.  A great deal of time is freed up and, when I do make purchases, even a treat from the grocery store that I have been resisting becomes a joyful act.

So in the final weeks of winter, why not consider using what you have in an act of preparation for spring cleaning?

Book Balm for the Soul

"We read to know we are not alone." ~C.S. Lewis

I’ll tell you up front that this is a longer post, but I’ll also explain that the second half of it serves as a reference that can be scanned.  And given that I could have sat and written about books I love all afternoon, it really is brief!

In Some of My Best Friends are Books: Guiding Gifted Readers from Pre-School to High School, Judith Wynn Halsted identifies two definitions of bibliotheraphy: one being clinical for the purpose of people facing emotional problems and the other being developmental and addressing those who are experiencing life transitions. As we’ve established in earlier posts, unique travelers may experience challenges related to their characteristics.  Though these characteristics can often be misunderstood as problems to be fixed, we like to think of them as qualities to be managed.  Bibliotherapy can help the unique traveler understand characteristics so that they can better manage them.

Halsted lists five emotional and intellectual needs of the gifted: 

• Having a sense of identity that includes being gifted
• Understanding their need for time alone
• Learning to get along with others
• Finding the best way to make use of their abilities
• Acknowledging and satisfying their drive to understand

While books can simply be a great escape for an individual who doesn’t easily fit into the world around her, Halsted also suggests the following benefits of reading fiction:

• A great author can “hook” kids emotionally thus making them more open to ideas and lessons they might otherwise be reluctant to receive from parents and teachers 
• The opportunity to empathize with characters in a book which can lead to catharsis for the child who is unable or unwilling to share emotional difficulties
• Insights into personal experiences.

There are also benefits of reading non-fiction in the form of biographies: 

• Young readers see that often many failures occur on the road to success, thus encouraging risk-taking that can be halted by perfectionism 
• The reader can see the positive manifestations of characteristics such as drive, energy and curiosity and how they contribute to achievement 
• Kids can relate to and learn from eminent individuals such as Marie Curie who struggled with feeling isolated and lonely

Bibliotherapy is not just for kids and teens.  In fact, if you are a reader, I would suggest that you’ve already received some of the benefits listed above.  I would also suggest that kid’s literature as well as adult literature has the potential to offer a balm for your soul.  So whether you’re the parent of a gifted child, a grown-up who was identified gifted as a child or a unique traveler who is just getting the lay of the land, I encourage you to consider how literature might help you in the ever-unfolding development of the very best you.

As food for thought, I’ve created a short list of some sources that have had a particularly profound impact on me.  From time to time, I’ll offer some other reading suggestions that may serve as bibliotherapy material.  What I would love most, however, is to hear from you about which books, articles and films have inspired you to embrace who you are and to create a life you find well worth living.  Please consider sharing your suggestions here!  

Balm for the Soul:

  

• As a late teen when reading The Member of the Wedding by Carson McCullers, the main character, Frankie, was someone I could relate to.  The adolescent protagonist becomes deeply involved in over-imagining her role as a member of her older brother’s wedding.  In her deep desire to be a significant part of something large and important, Frankie believes that she will go live with her brother and sister-in-law once they are married.  She says, “They are the we of me.”  This character demonstrates imaginational and emotional intensities and exemplifies the depth to which unique travelers experience everyday occurrences and the resulting emotions.  There is also a scene in which Frankie rolls around on the floor in front of her house servant and her younger cousin in a fit of what I’ve come to call weird energy—what results when, rather than freely expressing who you are, you wear a mask in an attempt to fit in.  All that energy has to escape at some point!

• In Journal of a Solitude, American poet, novelist and memoirist May Sarton writes about her home and life in rural New Hampshire.  She sketches out her days which include writing, gardening, correspondence and solitude.  Though Sarton does not sugarcoat the challenges of introversion and sensitivity (she doesn’t explicitly name these characteristics, but it takes one to know one), she also demonstrates how rich and fulfilling a life that nurtures these qualities can be.  She creates her own life worth living!  In my early twenties, reading this journal helped me begin to understand that a need to be alone was not so much selfish as essential.

• Early in my teaching career I discovered the article "Is It a Cheetah?" by Stephanie Tolan.  Though she writes about the highly gifted here, I think she speaks to anyone who has had their educational and emotional needs marginalized and misunderstood.  As the parent of a highly gifted child and a gifted adult herself, she offers insight into why one may not reach his potential and what might change so that he can.  You may be surprised by the emotional impact of this short analogy in the form of an article—many with whom I have shared it have.

• The French film Seraphine is about Seraphine Louis, known as “Seraphine de Senlis” (1864-1942).  She was a self-taught French painter in the naïve style who was said to be “an artist consumed by an irrepressible urge to create.”  Though it has been observed that she walked a fine line between impassioned artist and mentally ill, her focus on finding the materials and time needed to create are inspiring.  She is a perfect example of one who frequently enters a state of flow as well as one whose need to follow her passion is more important than what others think about her.  For many years, films about artists and writers—those who manage to break away from society's stifling expectations to live their truth--have encouraged me to ask myself, “How are you defining what is possible and what is right?”

• Last summer, I picked up a copy of Anne of Green Gables written by L. M. Montgomery in 1908.  A couple of friends had talked about their love for the book and I finally got around to reading it. It is the story of Anne Shirley, an intense red-headed 11-year-old orphan who is adopted by a family on Prince Edward Island.  Though written over 100 years ago, save a few details about lifestyle, dress and society, it is a timeless story.  What is most wonderful about the book is that Anne’s highly active imagination, her deep love of beauty and nature, her tendency toward fast talking and kinetic energy are celebrated and accepted.  Anne is a fabulous example of an independent and sensitive character who lives life fully.  When I was done with the book, I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to find Anne.

What books, films or stories have helped you to better understand yourself and proved a balm for the soul?  If you, unique traveler, have benefited, there is surely someone else here who will, too.  Don’t be stingy—share!

Reconnecting to Your Passion

“There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”    ~Nelson Mandella

If you can’t already feel it burning in you, how do you even begin to find your passion?  Some mining may be in order.

Set aside a few minutes when you can relax and are free from distraction.  Get a piece of paper and brainstorm a list of times in your life when you really felt “on purpose.”  Another way to think of this is to recall instances when you experienced a state of what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow.  This is when the external world falls away and you lose awareness of time and the space around you, because you are so fully engaged in an activity.

Go back as far as you can remember and make a list of at least 12 times when you experienced a great sense of purpose.  Resist judgment.  When the voice that says, “That’s childish” or “That’s impossible” pops into your head, acknowledge its presence and send it on its way.  Let your thoughts flow.

Now look at your list and see what is revealed to you.  Are there any patterns?  Is there something that peaks your interest?  What is worthy of further exploration? 

 What does your heart know about the life you are capable of living that your eye may not be able to see?

What is Essential to Your Life Worth Living?

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

What does your heart know that your eye may not be able to see? What is essential to you in moving towards a life you find well worth living?

It's All Part of the Process

It makes me chuckle a little now, but I have to say I had myself in a bit of a tizzy.  Survey says, “Continue to share your process with us, it helps us too”… “I want to know how a flesh and blood person deals with the experience of being a unique traveler.”  If you’re new to the blog, the survey I’m referring to can be found here and I’d love to know what you think!  So, here goes.

I explained in an earlier post that a lot, positive and challenging, has happened to me in the past two weeks.  New clients, lots of new contacts, a jump in blog membership and traffic, a big deadline and then I got sick.  I couldn’t even really just let go and be sick though I spent a couple of days in bed because this is what was going through my head, “I’ve had no inspiration for blog posts—maybe I’ve used all of the material I have…maybe I’m sabotaging myself just when it seems that everything I’ve worked so hard for might be blossoming a bit…maybe everyone will stop reading the blog if I don’t post something…maybe I just don’t have the energy for all of this...”  Then on Friday afternoon I felt a little shift in my energy and I felt less sick and more like myself.

Saturday morning, I decided to get up and just do a little informal brainstorming.  No pressure, just flip through my journal and jot down some ideas that had been floating around in my brain but hadn’t taken any real form.  Two hours later I had all of this:

I started writing down ideas on sticky notes.  I’m visual and tactile and like to be able to make connections between concepts and have the option of adding on to them at a later time.  Though my right brain generally rules, my left brain likes to create a little order out of what the boss creates.  I have a file cabinet next to my desk, so I started placing my notes in categories on the drawer faces.  I then arranged them heirarchicly with the most developed ideas on the top drawer and the infant ones on lower drawers.  In my journal, I discovered thoughts that had slipped from my conscious mind and others that provided springboards for brand new ideas. While thinking about the blog, I rekindled a couple of other project kernals that I’ve been working on for some time and created these:

I cut sticky squares into sticky strips, wrote on them sticky side up and then stuck them to the underside of the center round sticky note.  They make me smile because they’re kind of whimsical and decorative too.  I should also say that the note colors coordinate with my office colors making them pleasing to look at.  It really does matter to me.

Not only did this burst of a brainstorm reassure me that my blog ideas are far from dried up, it also motivated me to super organize my coaching files and schedule a couple of other projects that I think are next steps for my business.  The one thing that remains to do from this weekend brainshower is to create a schedule for myself in which I block out time every day for business actions as well as leisure and recharging.  I’m seeking greater balance so that, instead of super intense over the top work periods followed by energy crashes, I take a slower but steady approach.

Instead of burrowing under the covers where the running dialogue in my head was tempting me to hide from inevitable failure, I got started with one small step and ended up removing a good bit of emotional and physical clutter.  Tomorrow, I start the work week with a little more structure and a little more vision.  Within that framework is a whole lot of freedom to explore, create and discover.  And next time the tizzy starts, I’ll be a little more confident that it’s all part of the process. 

Refocusing

So what do you do when everything happens at once?  In the space of two weeks, I had a big deadline at my day job requiring several hours of extra work, my blog traffic and readership took a healthy leap, my coaching clients tripled and I got sick. Suddenly I was spinning and feeling a bit scattered.  What do you do when even the good stuff feels like a little too much?  Return to your core: your values and vision.

Ask yourself, “Does this task-choice-action align with my values and take me closer to my vision or ideal life?  Is this essential to who and what I want to be right now?”  Clear away the clutter (time, emotion, stuff), allow a little less than perfection, redirect your energy and get back on the path.  When you’ve established these things ahead of time, it’s a whole lot easier to bring it all back into focus.

Do you know what you value?  Do you have a vision for your ideal life or a clearly established goal you’re working towards?

Living Luminously: Jennifer Bennet

Science is over on the Nathaniel B. Palmer and Stephanie will be shore bound in a few short days.  I’ll give her a respectable amount of time to reenter the Northern hemisphere and peopled society, but then the pressure’s on to write a guest post or two telling us about her adventure to Antarctica.

In the meantime, I say we benefit once more from the fabulous blog she’s written during her trip.  Stephanie’s profiled another dynamic individual living luminously.  Follow this link to read about Jennifer Bennet, a graduate student who makes life meaningful by finding the connections among diverse life experiences.

What connections between interests and experiences can you find to create meaning in your life?

Living Luminously: Diane Hutt

Survey says, "I come to Internal Luminosity to get inspiration"..."Include more posts on people living luminously."  And so I deliver to you, my readers, a big ole dose of inspiration for living luminously in the form of Diane Hutt.  Who says you can't be a biologist and an artist who divides your year between Alaska, Antarctica and Asheville?  You won't get that advice from this unique traveler who takes her multiple talents and interests on the road to create a life that she finds well worth living.  Follow this link to our friend Stephanie's blog from Antarctica and read more about Diane.  Then find your way back here and remind me, what really good reason do you have for postponing the creation of your own life worth living?

When Characteristics Collide and Energy Does Not Match Ambition

I had a great experience yesterday presenting to parents about the characteristics of sensitivity and emotional intensity.  It was affirming to hear from so many people how important the information was to them—it encouraged me that I’m on the right track with this work of blogging and coaching.  I also think there might be one or two among the participants who may choose to join our tribe here on the blog.  As a finishing flourish, I was asked to write an article on intensity for a national newsletter.   

I was so excited that my first thought upon leaving the conference was that I wanted to go home immediately and incorporate what I had learned from the participants into my blog and to find answers to the questions I hadn’t been able to respond to and to formulate an e-mail to the participants that would explain why they might want to join us here.  There's that intensity.  My need to know, to create meaning, to be intellectually stimulated and to constantly improve can lead to sustained attention for hours on end when I’m really interested in something.

Alas, there is also the matter of my sensitivity.  Since my long winter’s nap in December, I have worked on projects through the better part of three weekends.  In addition to working my regular teaching job, I’m tutoring two afternoons a week and then coming home to coach and work on my blog makeover.  The truth is, though my brain was spinning with ideas and possibilities, my whole being needed to stop and recover.  Frustrating as this can be, I know that if I don’t surrender to a period of nothingness, I’ll end up grumpy, prone to making mistakes and inevitably sick. 

Unique travelers tend to need either more or less sleep than the general population.  For me, it’s better to get enough sleep or I end up paying for it with an extended period of what my friend calls “being worthless.”  So I remind myself now that balance is called for when trying to create harmony between drive and energy.  What can I do right now to restore balance and achieve peak productivity?

• First, surrender to the need for “recovery.”  I often have to wait out the conflict in my brain and body where I’m still amped up with thinking, but my body is exhausted.  Whether recovery means taking long baths, watching movies, getting a massage or finding some outdoor space where you can relax, be still until you feel restored.  For me there’s a noticeable increase in energy that often comes only after feeling blob-like--unpleasant but necessary.

• Use exercise, even a gentle walk or yoga, to build some energy.  The more regularly you do this the better.

• Engage in guided visualization to help you first relax and then feel energized.

• As much as my intuitive prefer to gravitate to what feels like the next best action to take self bristles at schedules, creating one can help you track your energy output.  Make a schedule that balances intense periods of work with refreshing breaks.  As hard as it can be to interrupt that super focused state of productivity, there is evidence that we’re actually more fruitful when we do so at regular intervals.

• Take a holiday from technology. Turn off your phone, don’t open e-mail and turn off the TV.

• Go to bed early one night a week.  Commit to it ahead of time, and plan your day accordingly so that you’re ready to be in bed and on your way to REM at your chosen time.

It’s a constant dance between drive and energy.  There are times when being seduced by the lure of pushing a little further is hard to resist.  That’s okay—just have a recovery plan in place and work towards greater balance in the future.

How do you balance your tendency toward drive and your energy limits?

Or is your energy challenge different altogether? 

Please Help Me Grow!

I'm hard at work trying to create a more worthwhile experience for you here at the Internal Luminosity.  I know your time is valuable, but as an original tribe member, your feedback is invaluable!  This survey is anonymous and should only take a few minutes.  I would be so grateful if you would take a few minutes to give me your feedback.  Thanks for helping me to help you!

Click here for the survey.

Or copy and paste this URL into your search engine: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/3FDNXKD

Gettin’ Ready to Get Ready

I was once the Queen of Gettin’ Ready to Get Ready.  Several years ago, I participated in a pilot of a Creative Problem Solving Style assessment that looked at individual preferences/strengths across the problem solving process from identifying problems to getting acceptance for solutions.  My strengths were in the early stages of the process: identifying problems, locating resources and generating solutions.  All of the little details of the follow through interested me far less.  Part of this is my tendency toward divergent thinking and a desire for novelty.  However, over the years, I came to realize that there were some other issues at play here that I needed to consider if I wanted to be successful at acting on ideas and bringing possibilities to fruition.

Unique travelers can be stunted by a whole lot of getting’ ready to get ready, and here are some possible causes:

• Perfectionism: Whatever I do has to be perfect, so I can’t get started until I have considered every possible scenario and know everything I need to know. 

• Impostor Syndrome: Intelligence is equivalent to ease and speed.  If I can’t do something the first time without any difficulty—if there’s any struggle at all—I must not be smart.  I avoid taking risks because I don’t want anyone (including myself) to finally see how unextraordinary I really am.

• Fear of Getting Trapped: If I commit to this, I’ll be leaving behind all of my other interests.  There are too many things I want to do to focus on just one.

Sound familiar?

Consider this:

• Perfection is an unobtainable goal.  Focus on excellence instead.  Beginning is often the most difficult part of the process.

• Most successful people have failed more often than they’ve succeeded.  Success comes from hard work and problem solving, not magically endowed ability.

• You can always change your mind.  Life and work do not have to exist in a linear step-by-step approach.  There are many different configurations that work and hobbies can take.  However, we’re often fed a formula from a very young age that limits our vision of possibility.

So, are you ready to move beyond getting ready?  Keep in mind that, knowledge does not create change.  Action creates change! 

What is it that’s keeping you from taking that first step?

   

You Have the Right to Take a Leap!

“Take the first step in faith.  You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

                                                                                      ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Eight months ago, I took the first step.  It was for me, actually, a leap.  I decided to risk believing that my needs, values and passion might be shared by enough other people with whom I would be able to make a meaningful connection.   I hoped that what I perceived was one of my strengths might help me create something important from which others would benefit.  I began writing this blog and have been somewhat cautiously putting it out there hoping to gather some readers.  This weekend, with the help of a shameless birthday plea to get Facebook friends to my sight and a whole lot of help from my readers, some of whom made their own plea on my part, I reached 2000+ page views.  With a small group of readers in just 8 months I say, “Not bad!”  Thanks, friends!

In the fall, I announced that there were big changes coming to the blog in the new year.  I had intended to unveil a new look and some new content this month.  I’ve been working on that, but I’ve decided to take a slightly different course.  I’ve enrolled in a kind of blogger’s school so that I can learn a whole lot more about how to make my work here meaningful and useful to you.  So changes are still coming, but I’m not sure of the exact timeline—I’m not sure what the whole staircase looks like yet. 

I share this with you in part to hold myself accountable.  More importantly, I consider you my original tribe members to whom I am forever grateful.  I hope that sharing the details of creating my own life worth living might inspire you to think about what step you could take next.  I’m taking an even bigger risk by trying to get more exposure for the blog—risking believing that there might be even more people out there with whom I can make a meaningful connection.  Please stay with me as I try to grow my value and our tribe!

Finally, in honor of Martin Luther King, I want to say how thankful I am for the efforts of so many who sacrificed their time, safety and lives to bring us greater fullness and harmony as a society.  My life is immeasurably enriched by the diversity of age, culture, race, religion, socio-economic status and beliefs of my friends, family, colleagues and students.  To be married in 1966, my own mother and father-in-law had to leave the state of Virginia where interracial marriages weren’t allowed.  They were married 44 years before my father-in-law passed away.  Thankfully these barriers have been removed, but we still have a lot of work to do.  Thanks MLK and everyone who came before and after him who strive to give all of us the right to create and live our unique lives worth living!

What step do you need to take even if your vision hasn’t yet fully materialized?

  

What's the Donut?

It's my birthday.  It's not one of those vague in-between years.  Rather, it is a very definitive 4 and 5.  One way to look at this is to say I am no longer 40-something, but I am right in the middle of this decade looking 50 square in the eye.  Age has never really bothered me that much, but 50 seems significant as there is no denying that my life is, at best, half over. That's one way to look at it.

But as I try to make a habit of looking at the donut and not the hole, I recognize that it is all a state of mind.  I have to look no further than my incredibly agile, sharp and active mother of nearly 83 to stop short any whining that might want to creep in.  We define our age.

So, indulge me, won't you? Whatever age you are (no need to reveal it if you would rather not, but it would add perspective), post something here that you feel is an advantage of being one year older.  The side benefit is that I have a goal of reaching 2000 page views on my birthday weekend--a milestone to celebrate a milestone!

Let's call it the Donut List. I'll start...

At age 45, I care less about pleasing others and feel a greater urgency to fully live in the way that brings me the most joy. 


Next...

What's All the Emotion About?

                                                                                                        Photos by H. Meghan Amelia, 2011

I’ve been working, rather intensely, on a presentation I will be giving to parents later this month.  The topic is on highly sensitive and emotionally intense children.  As often happens during these projects, my own characteristics and challenges rise to the surface inviting a little reflection.  I’ve watched myself procrastinate a bit while listening to the voice in my head question, “Will it be good enough?” The emotionally intense tend to be perfectionists.  I’ve been a little overwhelmed by all of the ideas I’ve had—how do I distill this down to the just right amount of information?  Intense individuals can be at once very excited about ideas and feel worn out by having them.  And I’ve thought a lot about the intensities that live right here in my own home.  What do you do when it’s a yin-yin relationship?

Though I’ve spent a lot of time reading, thinking and writing about these topics in the past (revisit Dabrowski's overexcitabilities here), the information gets stored somewhere in my collective understanding.  So a little jolt of consciousness is provided when going through the process of taking specific details out of the mental filing drawers to synthesize into what I hope is something useful.

I wrote recently about sensitivity, so I thought I’d add a post on emotional intensity.  The most important thing for you to take away from this is that, among unique travelers, this characteristic is quite normal.  Here are some ways that it manifests in the individual:

• May experience extremes in emotions and move back and forth between them in a small space of time 
• May have explosive explosive emotions, periods of crying or overwhelming anxiety
• Extreme guilt may be experienced over perceived shortcomings when there is a lack of understanding in the emotionally intense individual--critical self-talk and self-doubt may result
• Physical manifestations may include fluttering of the heart, sensitivity to sensory stimuli, nausea and headaches
• Strong affective memory—ability to relive the feelings of an event throughout a lifetime
• Intense relationships
• Can be overwhelmed by rigid expectations and sensory overload of the work experience

What are some things you can do to help manage this characteristic?

• Build some structure into your day to reduce stress
• Establish clear communication and boundaries with friends, family and co-workers
• Learn to recognize when you’re starting to feel unraveled and engage in self-care (relaxation, time-out or deep breathing)
• Set reasonable goals and then progress toward completing them in comfortable chunks of time
• Celebrate what is wonderful about emotional intensity: the ability to connect deeply with others, the capacity to be moved by music, art and literature and the ability to live a passionate life--to name a few.

Know that much of what creates challenges for you comes from your reactions to situations not the characteristic itself, and you can learn skills to help you better manage this quality.

In what ways does emotional intensity create challenges in your life?  In what ways does having intense emotions enrich your life?

Adapted from Emotional Intensity in Gifted Kids by Christine Fonseca, Prufrock Press, 2011

Stephanie at Sea

If you're interested in following Stephanie's adventures aboard the research vessel Nathaniel B. Palmer en route to the Ross Sea, use this link to access her blog:  www.steminaction.org/blog/ .  It's educational (lot's of interesting science information), dramatic (the inevitable sea sickness has been endured) and inspiring (coincidentally, I was just reading in a book about how many of us long to do something like see Antarctica but never do because we fear the unknown).  Stephanie just might be your first example of someone living luminously in the new year!