Are You A Unique Traveler?

When I started talking to people about one of the specialty areas I wanted to focus on in my coaching, gifted teens and adults, I got some unexpected and unsettling responses.  Even in intimate conversations with people I believe to be gifted and who I thought would be comfortable talking with me, folks denied and even dismissed the concept of giftedness.  At first I was taken aback and a little disheartened, but then I did what I often do and started researching this topic. 

It turns out that often gifted adults are not aware of their giftedness or deny it. In “How to Charm Gifted Adults into Admitting Giftedness: Their Own and Somebody Else’s,” Willem Kulpers cites several reasons for this phenomenon:

•  There is an assumption of elitism: labeling someone as gifted implies they are better than others
• There is a belief that giftedness requires eminence: any degree of “unsuccessfulness” is proof that giftedness is not present
•  It is an emotionally loaded label: individuals identified gifted (or not) as a child may have been teased or been the target of unwanted attention
• There is a belief that high IQ is the sole indicator of giftedness: for many years a score of 130 on an intelligence or school achievement test was the cut-off point for identification where current practices often include a more holistic approach
•  There is a tendency to focus on one’s own deficits and compare them to other’s abilities: we take our own strengths—those things that tend to come easily—for granted

Why does it matter?...It’s a label and I prefer to be defined as an individual…I believe all people have gifts…

One of my favorite definitions of giftedness is from Michael Piechowski who explains that being gifted means having a qualitatively different way of experiencing the world that often manifests itself in intensities.  While this can mean feelings, experiences and insights are deeper, it can also mean that these individuals are thought to be odd or troubled or that they need to lighten up.  Often the very characteristics that make up the core of the gifted  individual are interpreted as problems to be fixed by both the individual and those in their lives.  When struggling to fit in and meet the standards of general society, the gifted individual is disconnected from her creativity and knowledge and is in danger of letting her potential go unfulfilled. 

Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, in her book The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius, suggests that there are potentially twenty million adults that would be identified gifted, many of them never screened or not having met the outmoded and limited standard for identification.  These individuals are living with characteristics that are a natural part of their make-up yet are misunderstood and so, troubling. If they have managed to suppress this part of their personality, they have also squelched a vital part of their being.  Bare with me for one more minute, and then I’m prepared to make a compromise.

I wonder…were you identified gifted as a child? Do you have a gifted child, parent, sibling or spouse? Have you ever wished that you could just be normal?  Are you driven to understand why and how things are?  Do you experience deeply both joy and sadness?  Do you have many talents and interests?  Is it sometimes difficult for you to find others who understand your perceptions, interests and ideas?  Do you have perfectionistic tendencies?  Do you tend to shy away from conformity?

Here’s my compromise.  On this blog, rather than referring to individuals as gifted, I’d like to use the term unique travelers.  In doing so, I hope that it will open you up to exploring a topic that may have relevance to your life or the life of someone close to you.  My intention is not to make everyone gifted, but to give you the opportunity to recognize and learn about something that has a significant impact on the lives of some people and to give you some tools that may contribute to a more satisfying life.  For even when individuals are identified gifted, we do a poor job as a society in addressing anything other than the intellect.  In fact very few in the helping professions, including teachers, counselors, administrators, doctors or psychologists have any understanding of what it means to be gifted.

Thanks for sticking with me on this post.  I hope that I have peaked your curiosity and that you’ll be open to checking out upcoming posts on unique travelers.  I will weave these through the content I already have and will continue to provide.  In the end, it’s all about knowing what you need and getting those needs met.  Only you can determine how to go about that!

*Photo by jumpinjimmyjava

I'm Seeking You Now...

Dear Reader,

I know you're out there because my ticker tape count steadily rises.  I'm not sure exactly who you are or what you're thinking, though.  Whoever you are, I'd like to extend my gratitude for you taking the time to show up and giving me a reason to write.  Thank you very much!

As part of my original tribe, I'd love to get feedback from you on what you think of the blog so far.  You can write here or simply e-mail me at luminouscoaching@gmail.com.  I'm wondering if the content is useful, if there are topics you would like to hear more about or if you have any other feedback that might help me imporve as a blogger.

I'm excited to say I have some new clients, and I'm about to add some new features to the blog including a regular thread of posts on creativity and gifted individuals and interviews with everyday people living luminously.  I'm preparing to do a push to get my blog out to more readers.  Gettin' ready to grow some!

This week, I'll be doing one last really hard thing for the summer. While I'm attending to that, I'd really value any feedback you can give me as I make plans for my next steps.

I'm seeking you now...!

Doing Hard Things

For the past month, I have been doing really hard things.  Hard because they’ve been unpleasant, required a lot of courage and persistence and brought up a lot of anxiety.  In part I’ve done these things because I want to improve my life and get it more aligned with my values. A lot of it has also been one of the last big pushes toward the completion of some very unexpected but ultimately positive life changes. 

I have been motivated to a degree by the knowledge that sacrificing time and pleasure now means greater long-term satisfaction.  I also know that, regardless of how much energy we put into distracting ourselves from the unpleasant tasks and issues that lurk in our lives, their shadow is always right behind us shading any pleasure and peace we might be seeking.

I’m not suggesting that checking things off your list will mean new things won’t pop up.  I’ve learned that, around every corner, new challenges await us.  However, I’ve also been reminded of an epiphany I had last year when confronting something difficult: When you do the thing that you have been most afraid to do, somehow everything releases and unanticipated possibilities open up. 

Even small things like a bill or a conversation or a choice, when left unattended, can steal joy from everyday living.  What hard thing do you need to confront that would release you from stress and open up possibilities?  What one hard thing could you get out of your way today?

Coaching Client Vignette: Interested in Everything!

Jeremy changes jobs frequently.  He has worked as a photographer, a medical sales representative and a high school history teacher.  Though it may look like it on the surface, it’s not that he doesn’t have a clue what he wants to do.  Rather, he wants to do everything!  He has many interests and talents and they vary widely.  Every time Jeremy commits to a new job, though he is excited by the challenge and the opportunity to learn something new, he immediately starts to think of all of the things he’s missing by making this choice.  His friends and family make cracks about his “flavor of the month” approach to life.  Though Jeremy  feels that he’s fulfilling a need to explore his interests and always be learning, his increasing feelings of being unsettled are starting to worry him.  He’s questioning whether he’ll ever figure out who he really is.

A coach can help with this.   By partnering with Jeremy, a coach can help him identify how his values, needs and interests might be woven together to create a life he finds challenging, interesting and well worth living!  How might a coach help you become everything you’ve always wanted to be?

The Gift of Presence

While on my morning walk today, along the water's edge at the back of a wooded field, I came upon an enormous turkey vulture sitting atop the remains of a broken tree trunk just twenty feet away.  I pulled my camera from my pocket and tried to quiet the dog as I moved toward it.  The bird stirred, and I noticed there were two more.  They quickly flew to a higher spot in the near trees.  I snapped a shot but something happened and the picture was gone.  Again, I tried to move closer while holding dog and camera.  One of the birds sat on a long branch with its wings outstretched to reveal its amazing wingspan.  Again, I tried to get a picture.  These creatures were not to be photographed, however, and they took flight.  I thought to myself, "In my urgency to take a picture, I missed the whole thing!"

This reminded me of a beautiful fall, many years ago, when the turning leaves were more brilliant than I had seen before or have experienced since.  Nearly every day I would go for long walks to take in the color.  I considered carrying my camera but decided that I would rather fully experience my entire surroundings than focus on small details while searching for the perfect photo.  I don't have pictures to look back on, but I have vivid memories of my daily leaf collections and the crown I made from them for a Halloween celebration--the memory of being fully present during a time that has yet to be repeated.

It would have been great to have a photo to share with this post, but as it is I'm writing about the experience that I almost had rather than what I could have actually fully taken in.  What is the most memorable experience you have had with being fully present?  How can you become more open to such experiences more frequently?

Are You A Busy Bee-ing?

"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy.  The bee is praised.  The mosquito is swatted."
                                                                                                                                         ~Mary O'Connor

Most of us are pretty busy--it seems to be a fact of modern day life.  The more gadgets we have to make things simpler, the busier we seem to get. Stillness is often an intentional act with planning required.  In some cases, being busy is more comfortable than being still.  

I have a summer break and still I'm as busy as ever.  The difference is that much of what I choose to be busy with is just that--a choice.  The choice itself, I understand, is somewhat of a luxury.  I've found myself reflecting in my quiet moments about all of my busyness.  Am I making good choices about how and why I am busy?  What is the goal I am working toward?  Am I busy in an attempt to avoid something else?  How will I balance my busyness with a much needed respite?

In the midst of all your busyness, take a moment to pause and ask yourself, "Is my activity more like a bee or a mosquito?" 

What Lies Beneath

While walking on the beach yesterday, my friend and I stopped at Rudee Inlet to watch two men fishing.  They had big, round, flat nets with little weights woven into the edges and two long rope handles.  They would gather the nets into a compact bunch, wade out into the water and then toss them high and far so that the net would expand before hitting the surface of the ocean and sinking.  The men would wait a minute or two before pulling the handles to close the net and bring it to shore.  They would then open the net and spill its contents into the late afternoon light revealing interesting creatures like flounder and puffer fish.  They did this over and over with skill and intuition.  When they opened the nets, they welcomed our looking, and we helped nudge the fish that weren't chosen back into the water.

I know that the ocean is full of amazing life, but I never considered that these very fish might be the ones that brush against my leg or leap from the water's surface when I'm in it!  Had I not taken an interest in this activity, stopped and looked more closely, my concept of what surrounds me would have remained pretty superficial.  Watching this process brought a whole new understanding of the water I swim in, and I began to think that the work of these fishermen is not unlike the work of a coach and her client.

You may have an inkling that something important swims beneath your surface.  Perhaps you have a desire or thought that brushes past your consciousness from time to time, but you don't know exactly how to harness the potential. You may know that you have interests, visions and goals, but may not be sure how to articulate them.  A skilled coach casts a net and helps you pull these things to the surface where you can look at them closely and consider their value and significance.  You may decide to take action now or toss them back to give them more time to grow.  While a coach does not tell you what to do, she may use her tools and intuition to help you determine what steps you might take next to bring to fruition your deepest desires.

What bounty lies within you that you have yet to identify and harvest?  How can a coach help you speed up the discovery process?

Questioning Clutter

Clutter can be a dirty word, cloaked in shame and secrecy.  More importantly, it can sap your energy and you can become paralyzed in your efforts to gain control over your stuff.  Urgent circumstances and major home renovations sent most of our belongings into storage over a year ago. Now that an end to many big life changes is in sight, I've been making daily trips to storage to retrieve things that we've lived without for quite some time.  The process is at times exciting and at times overwhelming.

There are moments when I am tempted to take the guideline "if you haven't used it for a year..." literally and just toss everything out to start fresh, but it's not that simple.  While there are several things that I pick up and ask myself, "What were you thinking saving this?" there are also many things I unwrap and feel like I've discovered treasure--things that will again make my house a home.  How do I sort out what is worth keeping and what to send on to a new life?

I love the feel and smell of books and I have a lot of them.  I got a Kindle for Christmas, so I'm  beginning to lessen my impact on the environment and my home.  But lots of the books I've decided to keep, move after move through the years, are those I still return to or have not been ready to read yet.  I have a lot of materials for creative projects--many of them things I long to do when our new life arrangement really settles down.  I keep special cards and letters I have received and enjoy going through them every several years.  What is too much? 

I pull two books out of one of the boxes: Simplify Your Life by Elaine St. James and a book on getting rid of clutter.  Is it irony that they are buried in my clutter or is it a sign that, of all my stuff, they've surfaced in a noticeable way?  I don't have time to read a book, so I instead return to a guideline that I've heard or read along the way but for which I cannot remember the source.  This makes sense to me and reminds me to give value to my time and space.  Ask yourself, "Has this object earned the right to take up my valuable space?"  Interestingly, you could use the same idea with people clutter, thought clutter, commitment clutter, etc., and replace space with time where appropriate.

How do you manage clutter in your life?  What rules or guidelines have worked for you?

Sweet Simplicity

Enjoying simple pleasures helps us to take note that it is often the small moments in life that create the most lasting impressions.  If we remember to appreciate all of the small joys life offers up, we are more likely to stay present and we spend less time trying to create (or more maddeningly re-create) the monumental stuff that happens much more infrequently.

Here's a simple recipe for a sweet treat that my friend shared with me last summer.  I've made this herb infused simple syrup using basil, mint and just today using lemon verbena.  It all begins with a trip to the garden to clip some fresh herbs.  Next, brew some tea and put it in the fridge to cool, and make your simple syrup to sweeten as you go.  We're having this today for our low-key celebration of the fourth: a no fuss cookout, a dip in the pool and a walk to the somewhat secret neighborhood firework viewing spot--no trip downtown necessary!

• Bring 1 cup of water to a boil in a medium saucepan.
• Reduce the heat and add 1 cup of sugar and 1 cup of fresh herbs.
• Simmer for a couple of  minutes.
• Cool completely and then use a strainer to transfer into a jar and place in the refrigerator. 
• Sweeten tea to taste and enjoy!