Managing Your Sensitive Self

                                                             Photo Kim Bielmann Cabotaje, 2011

Emerging from my long winter’s nap, I am filled with a mix of gratitude that I even have the time to take a few days to completely disconnect from responsibilities to rest along with a little sadness and frustration that I really have no choice but to do so.  Ultimately, though, I remind myself that sensitivity is a trait that has been part of my make-up for as long as I can remember.  It is not a problem to be fixed but a characteristic to be managed.  I thought in case you, my fellow unique travelers, are also in recovery from the holidays, now might be a good time to shed a little light on this issue of sensitivity. 

Several years ago my own coach shared information about sensitivity with me that turned out to be life-changing.  I spent a lot of years thinking something was wrong with me because what many people found enjoyable--big parties, loud music and risk-taking--was often really hard for me.  Sometimes I would push myself to suck it up, lighten up and join in, but I almost always ended up really uncomfortable and wanting to flee and mentally checking out when I couldn’t escape.  Though I had come to understand myself as an introvert, this was different.  I picked up on and was very bothered by inconsistencies in what people said and did, I became physically uncomfortable with too much noise and activity, my tolerance for alcohol and caffeine seemed much lower than others, I felt things (both joy and sadness) very deeply, I was quite uncomfortable putting my work or myself “out there” and I absorbed the moods of those around me.  Talk about feeling freaky!

What I learned from Elaine Aron who has written extensively on the topic of sensitivity and later from the work of Dabrowski on overexcitabilities is that, while it is a less common trait, sensitivity is a mostly inherited and very normal one.  Here are a few facts from Aron’s work that might help with your understanding:

• Sensitivity can be found in about 15-20 percent of the population.
• Individuals who are sensitive have a central nervous system that is more highly developed and so more reactive to various stimuli in the environment.
• Simply put, the sensitive individual reaches overstimulation much more quickly than less sensitive individuals.
• Though the trait seems very similar to introversion, in fact both introverts and extraverts can be highly sensitive.
• Sensitivity is not the same as shyness.
• Though sensitive types may not consistently be the bold risk takers in the world, they do offer qualities of being reflective, paying attention to detail, being attuned to the needs of others and having the capacity to concentrate for extended periods of time on a project or challenge.

If you have already identified yourself as a sensitive person, you have probably also come up with some strategies for managing your trait.  If you have not identified yourself in this way, you may still have intuitively found ways to adapt.  In either case, here are a few strategies that I’ve used over the years that have really helped me manage my sensitivity that might also be helpful to you:

• Limit your use of substances such as caffeine to give you energy or alcohol to calm your nerves.  Either can have the long-term effect of intensifying a lot of the more challenging manifestations of this trait.
• When you’re feeling overstimulated or sapped of energy, get out in the fresh air and go for a walk or immerse yourself in some green space—it’s amazing how quickly doing so can change your body chemistry and your sense of well-being.
• When possible, avoid artificial lights.   Folks have come to recognize that if my lights are out in my office, it may just mean that I’m working by lamplight.
• Go to bed early one night a week.
• Limit artificial substances and processed foods in your diet, as sensitive people tend to be more reactive to chemicals and additives in foods.

Learn to celebrate the benefits and manage the challenges of being more sensitive.  I find that, though I am capable of very hard work and dedication to a cause or vision, I’m not good for much of anything if I don’t pay attention to my body’s signs that it’s time to take a break.  Though I always hold on to a little wish that I had the ability that lots of other people seem to have during the holidays (and just about any time, really) to continue to go and see and do, the sooner my sensitive self fully surrenders to the need to pull in and hibernate, the sooner I am rejuvenated and ready to face the new year!

What effective ways have you developed to manage your energy?  What challenges do you still face with regard to your sensitivity?