Introversion: It's All About Energy

                                                         Kim Bielmann Cabotaje 2011

“Lonliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.”                                                     
                                                                                         ~May Sarton

I don't think that an extrovert often has to explain why he needs to be out around people so much of the time.  She probably infrequently hears the well-meaning, unsolicited advice of friends and family to "turn inward a bit" or "go sit in your room for a while and get comfortable with being alone."  Yet, until I better understood my trait of introversion, I often presented lengthy explanations about why too many nights out left me numb and incapable of really experiencing even the things that I otherwise enjoyed doing and defending my need for time alone.  I was frequently left feeling that there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. 

To aggravate my “problem,” I was often attracted to extroverts in friendship and romance.  I married a big ole extrovert and we struggled for some time trying to find a balance between our temperaments.  For him, relaxing at the end of a work week ideally means going out for dinner and drinks and taking in the crowds of people.  After working, often intensely, with people all week long, I am rarely capable of much more than sitting mutely on the couch with a book or the remote.  Fortunately I have friends and family who, once I understood and could better explain my needs to them, stopped pushing me to be someone I am not and have come to respect and even protect my need for time and space.

Whether you or someone you love is an introvert, here are a few morsels that may give you some insight into introversion.  According to the Myers-Briggs profile, there are 16 different personality types.  You are either an introvert or extravert as well as sensing or intuiting, thinking or feeling and judging or perceiving.  Each of these traits is believed to be inborn, exists on a continuum, occurs more or less frequently, and results in different styles of thinking and behaving.  My personal blend, INFP, is less than 1% of the population prompting the practitioner who gave me the assessment to open with, “Do you ever feel like an alien?”   In the general population, introverts turn up about 25% of the time.  Among unique travelers, however, the frequency of introverts is above 50% and even greater among the most highly intelligent.

Introversion is not about being shy or disliking people.  In fact, many introverts are more comfortable intimately connecting with others in conversation and friendship than their counterparts.  Rather, it is about how one gets energy: introverts spend energy when interacting with others and extraverts get energy.  Leave an extravert alone too long and he is uncomfortable.  Surround an introvert with people for an extended period of time and she’ll need to be alone to recharge.  The reserve or caution of many introverts is often mistaken for aloofness.  Even when an introvert consciously protects his energy around others and has a day that goes smoothly without incident, he may find he is a bit tapped by the end of the day.  It takes energy to protect your energy. 

While there are a few societies where introverts are the cool kids and their temperament is prized (can you imagine having everyone wanting to be your friend because you like to sit alone in your room listening to music, sketching or reading?), American culture celebrates and rewards the bold, risk-taking, out-there individuals.  This may leave the introvert exhausted from trying to fit in and confused about why they can’t be “normal.”  Alas, it is not about one type being better than the other.  After all, we are in need of both the counselor and the warrior.  It is about respecting our differences--valuing and making the best use of our strengths.   So, if your introversion often seems like just one more thing to make you feel a little freaky in the world, take heart!  Among unique travelers, introversion is more common than you might think.